Week 12

Done with week one of my 21 day challenge and I'm happy to say I've met all my goals. Stayed in calories every day, worked out 160-something minutes this week, and no alcohol to sabotage my efforts (even yesterday on St. Patrick's day!)

The only thing I did was go a little off track with my exercise. I skipped a 50-minute workout yesterday. I have quite a few excuses for this, but none of them really matter. I just didn't make time - I was really busy. I could have fit it in if I tried, but I didn't. The important thing is I did meet my goal of at least 150 minutes of exercise. I did indeed go running again and wow, that killed me! Yesterday I basically went on a shopping spree (hence the lack of time!) which was foolish but cathartic. I really can't afford it, but I desperately needed some new clothes for spring/summer (Old Navy is amazing right now, by the way. I got eleven items - 2 dresses, a skirt, a pair of shorts, several tops, a scarf, and earrings for $114.) I also went to Target and ended up buying a cheap chair and side table for my patio. My "patio" is actually this really tiny hunk of concrete directly outside my patio doors, and it's so small that the chair doesn't even FIT on it! Anyway, it makes me happy. Bought a top there as well and a cami.  I also went to Trader Joe's and in addition to my groceries bought some potted daffodils and a potted herb garden (with rosemary, sage, and thyme... I'm excited about this because my very favorite chicken salad recipe I make uses fresh rosemary). AND I went to the craft store and managed to drop like $60 there. Sigh. I am really going to have to pinch pennies majorly now that I managed to blow all that money! I am going to have to start going to the really crappy but really cheap grocery store again. I can't keep affording Trader Joe's and Metcalfe's which is too bad because I really hate shopping at the crappy one. Their produce is really hit and miss... usually miss. And it is just stressful because everyone in the world shops there. They do have EVERYTHING though. 

I also didn't stick to my meal plan though I did stay within my calorie goals each day. I ended up having more leftovers than I expected and the day that I went on my run I didn't end up getting home til almost 8:00 so I heated up a Lean Cuisine (which I know are horrible for you, but I keep them around in case of emergencies! Luckily I ate a TON of broccoli with it and I'm hoping that helps balance it out some :))

So was the first week of the challenge worth it? Definitely. Well, at least I hope so. I managed to lose another pound, for a total of 16.4 lbs lost... though that is based on my weigh-in yesterday, and when I weighed in today I was 2 lbs heavier than yesterday (blaming it on my heavy salt intake - had sushi for lunch!) I'm sort of learning to ignore the scale most days. Of course, I'm still thrilled when I reach a new low weight. 

The weather here is still spectacular. At 81 degrees, it actually feels *too hot* for me to run. Amazing! Instead I stayed indoors and did my hour-long step aerobics workout, burning 600 calories according to my heart rate monitor. It felt really easy today in comparison to how it usually feels. It's the first time I've noticed a difference in my stamina this year. I love that! I did all the advanced moves which I haven't been able to do in a year or so. I've also been doing it on the lowest step height, and I'm going to need to increase that next time, I think. Don't get me wrong, it still was hard and I was sweating like CRAZY and now I'm exhausted, but it felt easier than it usually does. I think it's the running - which has been getting my heart rate up almost to the 190s, which is when I slow the hell down - getting only to the mid-170s at my highest exertion feels way more comfortable. I also noticed that my starting heart rate was way lower today... good sign :)

I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to get more creative, hence the trip to the craft store. I bought some canvas and made this, which is for work (the letters are the initials of the agency.) My officemate and I have been meaning to decorate since we got the office a month ago, and she's been bringing in photographs and I think my other coworker is going to bring in some of her art (she has an MFA) so I wanted to contribute. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out, since I'm not a crafty person and my first attempt was an epic failure. It's essentially just a painted canvas, some photo mats, and scrapbook paper. It was supposed to be way bigger but, as mentioned, I screwed up the first canvas. It was supposed to be a bigger painting with the same mats/scrapbook paper in the upper left corner. This works too, though. 

Here's my menu plan and exercise plan for the week. I ended up not wanting to make the curry I was supposed to make last night (some of the veggies I needed went bad before I could make it) so I ended up making something else... so now my meal plans are starting on Saturdays again instead of Sundays.

Saturday

Dinner: Cheeseburgers (96% extra-lean ground beef, provolone, greens, tomato, ketchup, mustard) with roasted green beans

Workout: Didn't do it!

Sunday

Dinner: Almond-crusted chicken with broccoli 

Workout: Step aerobics (63 minutes)

Monday

Dinner: Portobello and red bell pepper sandwiches with brussels sprouts

Workout: Cardio kickbox (25 minutes)

Tuesday

Dinner: Blackened chicken salad with guacamole (greens, avocado mixed with tomato and red onion and garlic and lime, bell pepper, leftover veggies)

Workout: Rest Day

Wednesday

Dinner: Leftovers

Workout: SparkPeople Cardio Blast (I just got this DVD for free in the mail because I won it on the SparkPoints wheel! I don't know how challenging it is yet, but I'm aiming for 40 minutes… if it's too hard I'll make it up some other way!)

Thursday

Dinner: Chili-glazed tofu over asparagus and carrots and brown rice

Workout: Wii Fit Gold's Gym boxing (40 minutes)

Friday

Dinner: Probably out with my mom - we're going to a Dar Williams concert and will likely go somewhere for dinner beforehand!

Workout: Rest day

Total workout minutes: 168

Hope everyone is doing well!

Start of week 3

Well, as I mentioned in my last entry, this has been a really rough week. 

I didn't lose any weight at all, and I'm not sure if I gained. I'm 2 pounds heavier than I was on this day last week, but that was the day I'd lost 3 pounds overnight, so I thought it might be inaccurate. 

All in all, after 2 weeks, I am down 8.2 lbs, so that's great, I'm just disappointed that I didn't do a better job this week.

I had a hard time tracking, too. On Friday I met up with work friends for lunch and I got a grilled chicken salad - typical crappy bar fare, with iceberg lettuce, a few gross out of season tomato slices, and a slab of grilled chicken. Got French dressing on the side and barely used any of it. But it was tough to figure out exactly how many calories were in it. All my work friends got burgers or calzones, but it didn't really bother me at all actually (typically I would be craving that, but I was ok with my crappy salad.) Then it was my night with my dad so we got Jimmy John's (luckily, easy to track since they have all their nutritional info on their website). So I did ok Thursday and Friday. Last night though I went out with a friend to celebrate her getting a job at my agency and I caved and got a margarita - well, a mug-o-rita. This was my biggest mistake because after I started sipping on it I just figured, what the hell. I'd ordered the chicken caesar wrap with sauteed veggies with the full intention of saving half of it, but we spent two hours there at the restaurant and I ended up eating all of it. Ridiculous. That would explain the 1.6 lb overnight weight gain (salt, I'm sure.) I know you're supposed to ask for a to-go box right away, etc. but I just didn't prepare myself properly. Plus, this restaurant had essentially zero healthy options. I probably would've been better off ordering the chicken fajitas and just eating the chicken and veggies without the tortillas. 

It's also been - I cringe to say this - a WEEK since I've worked out. This changes today. I meant to on Thursday, but I came home from work and literally just broke down sobbing. We had a horrible snow storm and it'd taken me an hour and a half to get home (I work about 9 miles away) an I'd had such a terrible day at work and felt so hopeless. This job is really killing me. Then, of course, I intended to on Friday but I had to go straight to my dad's after work and by the time I got home it was almost 10 pm. And yesterday I had planned to work out before grocery shopping, but yet another excuse… I ended up making way too much coffee (I got a new brand, and without really noticing, accidentally made it twice as strong as I typically do, and I typically drink about 24 oz of coffee a day.)  I felt sick to my stomach, I was glued to the couch for 2 hours feeling terrible. I could've snuck a workout in later in the day, but I chose not to. 

So, as this is the start of week 3, I'm going to be as good as I was in week 1. That's my goal. It's a tough challenge because I am such an emotional wreck. But I can do it. I worked out a lot my first week and I loved how I felt, so I know it can only help. 

One of my resolutions is to also go to the doctor. I am planning on doing so after I get back from Florida in mid-February. I am going to ask her about possible medication to help manage my depression and anxiety. I haven't had a physical since I was 18 years old, so I am LONG overdue. I've just been so ashamed of my body and my weight that it has terrified me to go to the doctor. 

I did go to the eye doctor as I mentioned, so that's a good step in the right direction. I sort of had no choice as my glasses broke in half. It cost me a fortune (I have really, really, really bad vision and astigmatism) but at least I will have new glasses soon. 

I put together a menu plan for this week, and went grocery shopping yesterday. 

SUNDAY

Garlic chicken with broccoli

MONDAY

Turkey-Jasmine Rice Meatballs with Baby Bok Choy

TUESDAY

Leftovers

WEDNESDAY

Portobello mushroom and red bell pepper sandwiches

THURSDAY

Jimmy John's vegetarian sub

FRIDAY

Baked potato

SATURDAY

Something frozen, or leftovers

One of my other resolutions was to be more creative, and last night I did work on some little stuff for my walls. I went to the craft store yesterday and they had amazing sales going on. This is what I came up with. It was really fun, actually. I found the general idea on Pinterest. I need to do some touching up on it; I was impatient with the process (one of the reasons I'm not an artist) and I also need to buy some sort of varnish for it because it's pretty dull. (And I need to hang them better on the wall.) The original idea I found was to criss-cross masking tape across canvas and then spray-paint a couple coats of a single-color paint on it, then peel the tape off. I did the same process but decided to use acrylics and make each shape a different color. I had a bunch of different beads that I'd bought in a kit a long time ago so I just super glued them on. I like the bigger painting; the three little ones I'm not sure about (I should've gotten a smaller size masking tape for them.) 

My goals today are to clean my filthy apartment, do a good workout, and work on my novel a little bit at night. At some point I'm going to go see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo with my mom and sister. So it's a pretty busy day planned. I'll also need to shower... I better get cracking.

More inspiration and quotes, 'cause I need them.

"...strength and hope come not from circumstances or the acquisition of things but from the simple accumulation of active experience, from gritting the teeth and checking the items off the list, one by one, even though it’s painful, and you’re afraid." -  caroline knapp

"Whereas the truth is this: life is about adapting to trauma. Life is about finding work-arounds. Life is also about using that trauma, because the thing about broken edges is they cut. And knives are tools as much as weapons. And I think it would be nice if more literature did not reflect one Lie or the other, because I find, personally, that people are not disposable. And my best teapot is the one with the glued-together lid." Matociquala

   

"After the incredibly dark tunnel of grieving ... I felt a great pull toward showing some glimmers of light. That you do survive, that you do come out of grief. You're scarred, but you do connect with life and hope."
Alan Ball

"I'm just saying you only get one life. There's no god, no rules, no judgments, except for those you accept or create for yourself. And once it's over, it's over. Dreamless sleep forever and ever. So why not be happy while you're here. Really. Why not?" Nate Fisher (Six Feet Under)

Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded. - Goethe

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew. - Saint Francis De Sales




1. Eat miso soup for breakfast.
2. Take tiny moments out of every day to move slowly, really experience your own body, your own life.
3. Don’t settle for the status quo. You don’t have to be numb. You don’t have to tolerate anxiety or busyness or overwhelm. Make your own life.
4. Breastfeed.
5. Be bold. Life’s short.
6. Move your body as much as possible. Especially between the hours of 11 and 2 when there is much-needed Vitamin D to soak up.
7. You will do everything you can to be healthy and it might not be enough. Do it anyway.
8. Love and prioritize your family fiercely.
9. Collaborate and create whenever possible.
10. Teach without attachment.
Mary Catherine Bateson

these are a few of my favorite things

Thingsweforget.com is one of the sweetest blogs. This is one of my favorite post-its. I need to remember that I have to be proactive, not passive.

You'll see lots of Post Secrets from me.

i love e.e. cummings