Well...

I haven't updated this week yet because I've been feeling awful. And as of yesterday morning I have declared myself officially sick. I'm getting pretty irritated by this; I feel like I'm always getting sick. I won't go into details of this particular illness... haven't had to take any time off of work, thank god. I'm hoping I feel well enough to go in tomorrow... Mondays are my easy days so hopefully it will be ok.

I started feeling crappy on Wednesday and I felt sort of okay until Friday evening. Wednesday night I went out with some coworkers after work. I had three drinks over the span of... 4 or 5 hours, and then when I got home I just felt crappy and I've felt awful ever since. I've been so fatigued I can barely get off my couch. I made it to the grocery store yesterday and felt like I was just in a bizarre daze. It was a short trip, luckily. This morning I went to brunch with my fam for Father's Day. I ate some salad, fruit and some potatoes but they aren't all sitting well. I have been sleeping realllllly crappily.

I haven't worked out since TUESDAY. Since Wednesday I was out with coworkers, and Thursday I wasn't feeling well, Friday I was at my dad's, and ever since I've been sick. It's really frustrating. My anxiety is skyrocketing because I've basically done nothing for two days except lay on my couch. I managed to tidy up my apartment just a little bit - it was a disaster.

I did menu plan. I'm not really nauseous, so I still sort of feel like eating, it's just that my stomach isn't... liking it. At all.

And because I got so off track this week, I think I'm going to start my weeks on Sundays again. It was nice to go to the grocery store during the week, but I'm finding I'm just not having time for it, so I think I need to go on Saturdays again.

So here's this week's plan. I didn't include workouts because I don't know when I'm going to feel well enough to do them. Hopefully tomorrow? I don't think I'll make it today, which sucks because it's when I get my longer workouts in.

Good news is that I did lose some weight, probably just due to dehydration, but I'm now down a total of 29 lbs -- sooo close to that 30 lb mark! I didn't do great on Wednesday -- I was gonna hold out on not getting any food but they ordered cheese curds and artichoke dip and... yeah. I wasn't great.


SUNDAY
Light Buttermilk Dill Pasta Salad

MONDAY
Portobello and bell pepper sandwiches

TUESDAY
Grilled zucchini caprese sandwiches

WEDNESDAY
Chicken Parmesan with broccoli

THURSDAY
Veggie sub (Jimmy John's)

FRIDAY
Leftovers

SATURDAY
??

Start of June 8th-14th

It feels like forever since I wrote last, even though it’s only been a week!

I felt like I didn’t do very well this week, but I think I did fine after reviewing my notebook that has my chart in it where I’m keeping track of my calories and exercise and moods. I had a couple bad days. I felt absolutely terrible on Tuesday – really nauseous and gross – and ended up not cooking; Wednesday I wasn’t feeling great either (and emotionally drained after Scott Walker’s unfortunate victory) and I ended up skipping my workout. But I still ended up managing over 220 exercise minutes. I only stayed within my calories 5/7 days – one day was pretty bad, the other one was just moderately bad. I would’ve liked to have seen 7/7 days considering it’s my first week that I’m doing this new “project” but whatever.

Amazingly, though, and I think this is due to bloating last week and whatnot, I’m down to my lowest weight that I’ve reached this year, and over 3 lbs down from the beginning of the week. Woo! 3 more pounds and I’ll have lost a total of 30. Which I don’t think is horrible, given that my goal for the year is 50 lbs. 

Emotionally I’ve been a bit of a wreck. I had some major PMS last week and I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping. Just generally anxious in general. It’s pretty annoying. But I know that I just feel way worse if I’m not working out and exercising so I just have to use that as my form of self-medication rather than alcohol or anything else!

Short post today as I’m writing from the end of my work day and need to go grocery shopping tonight. Here’s my menu plan and workout plan for the week!

FRIDAY

Pappardelle with baby spinach, herbs, and ricotta with a side of broccoli

Rest day (I might do my cardio kickbox, 25 mins, but I think I will be busy with grocery shopping and cleaning tonight)

SATURDAY

Chicken mole with tortillas, side of green beans

Frontside strength/circuit training, 45 mins

SUNDAY

Avocado, bacon, ranch and tomato sandwich with cheese, side of baby carrot

Step aerobics, 63 mins

MONDAY

Leftovers

Rest day

TUESDAY

Chicken and guacamole tostadas 

Backside strength/circuit training, 55 mins

WEDNESDAY

Tempeh and Black Bean Quesadillas 

Rest day

THURSDAY

Leftovers

Gold’s Gym cardio workout, 40 mins

Total minutes: 203

June changes

I’m making a couple changes here…

So yesterday was June 1^st.

I’m going to start my weeks starting on Fridays now. Partly because it’s the start of a new month, but also because I’ve decided to start grocery shopping on Thursday nights rather than on the weekends because the store I go to is too busy for my sanity on the weekends, plus I like to save my weekends for other things.

I did pretty poorly this week, again. I think I was waiting for June. I don’t know why I keep waiting for “perfect moments” to start something, but I do.

When I stepped on the scale yesterday morning I was surprised to see that I lost quite a bit of weight that I’d gained over last weekend even though I was pretty pathetic this week. As of today I'm down another pound so I'm at the 25 lb lost mark again. I don’t know if this is just a fluke or what. 

I’m doing a lot of thinking in my life, and am trying to find things that inspire me.

I’ve been pretty down and depressed this week, crying a lot for no reason, and I’ve really been struggling with self-worth and loneliness issues. (PMS is also a huge factor.)

I keep saying that I need to work on my mental health and I think it’s going to be a big focus for June. Of course, my mental health is extremely dependent upon my physical health and what I’m eating and how much I’m working out – I realized that when I was an anxious wreck all weekend because I wasn’t able to stay on plan. I’ve become inspired by some slam poets that I’ve discovered recently and it’s brought me back to when I used to write a lot of it (not good, but it was “healing”, anyway) so I am getting back into it and it feels good. I have this new journal that I just scribble in… poems from other people, poems I’m writing, random quotes. It’s kind of a mess, it’s not pretty and scrapbooky and organized like some people’s journals, but I like it that way because I’m sort of a messy person. I just wish I could deal with my anxiety! I have found some guided meditations on YouTube that I like but it’s so hard for me to lose myself in them. I do like doing my yoga videos and yoga on the Wii Fit, but I don’t find them incredibly relaxing. I think a lot of this week’s issues have been due to lack of sleep – I had terrible sleep all of last weekend and I’ve been going to bed waaaay too late this week.

For June I have printed out some forms that I’m going to write on every day and put them in a binder. I’m going to track the following things daily:

Weight

Total calorie, carb, fat, and protein consumption

Workouts (amount of time, calories burned)

Mood (probably on a scale of 1-10, or general notes)

Creativity (just a quick note on whether I did anything that day)

Alcohol and drug use (by drugs I mean caffeine or herbal stuff, nothing illegal ;))

When I did this before, in May, it was really helpful to be able to physically look at what I’m doing. I really enjoyed it.  I track everything on SparkPeople, but it’s nice to be able to see a brief record. I’m a very visual person.

So I went to the grocery store Thursday night and made up a menu plan. I had a really hard day at work yesterday and ended up crying for over an hour, which was truly embarrassing. It wasn't just work-related. Luckily my coworkers were sweet about it and whatever, but anyway. I got home from work, did my cardio kickbox, then watched some slam poetry on YouTube and went to bed fairly early. I slept for eleven hours, which was REALLY needed... I think that's been contributing to my hard time lately.I didn't really get much sleep last weekend. 

Today was a better day. I was still anxious and sad in the morning but I did step aerobics, had a good breakfast, did a little bit more shopping at Trader Joe's and then sort of helped my mom work on her garden (mostly just sat outside in the beautiful weather and took my mom's cat out on his leash.) Tomorrow I'm hanging out with my parents; we're going to go to either Devil's Lake or Blue Mounds and grill out and go hiking, which should be nice. Once in a while you just need your parents, you know? 

Here's my menu/workout plan for June 1st-June 7th.

FRIDAY

Teriyaki tofu and pineapple kebabs

Cardio kickbox, 25 mins

SATURDAY

Sushi bowls (rice, nori, crab, avocado, carrot, cucumber)

Step aerobics, 63 minutes

SUNDAY

Honey Garlic Ginger Chicken with broccoli

Hiking (not sure for how long)

MONDAY

Leftovers

Rest day

TUESDAY

Pappardelle with Baby Spinach, herbs, and ricotta

Gold's Gym 40 mins

WEDNESDAY

Jimmy John's

Rest day

THURSDAY

Rosemary chicken salad sandwiches and green beans

Frontside, 40 mins