Week 11, and my 21-day challenge

All right. Time to get my ass in gear. These last two weeks have been so ridiculous on my part! Screw up after screw up. So I'm trying something new, to re-invigorate myself, as I feel like I've hit a large rut. I haven't weighed myself in a while because I've been staying at my mom's, as mentioned. I've dealt with so much stress the past couple weeks, and it's time to face it head on instead of hiding.

Work is a big thing, as always. I am finally getting used to my new role, but it is leaving every single one of the people on my team completely, utterly exhausted. I have never seen us so zombie-like! I hadn't thought it was possible to work harder than we already were, but it feels like double-time now. I've never, ever had a workload that was possible to keep up with (luckily my bosses have always been understanding of this and know that I have always done the work that should be done by two full-time people rather than one, so I always get positive feedback) and it's been frustrating to just NEVER be caught up, ever. I'm not helping this by staying up super late, drinking alcohol which screws with my sleep, and drinking way too much caffeine to combat the exhaustion. I've been staying at my mom's, as mentioned, to cat-sit, and it's been really hard to not have my Wii or my aerobics step. This means that the workouts I planned to do are not the ones that I actually LIKE to do. I ended up skipping much of those. I still squeezed in 150 or so fitness minutes, but the food I ate defeated all of that, really.

On the positive side, I've been way more social the past couple weeks than I have been previously, which makes me happy, but it also means going out for food and drinks. I went out to eat FIVE times in one week -- out for sushi with one of my best friends and her fiance, then the same night went to Chile's and then a club (drinks) with my friend Jeff who I haven't seen in a long time, with my dad to Applebee's on Thursday night, with my coworkers to a bar on Friday night (drinks + mozzarella sticks + French fries), and to a Mexican restaurant with my friend (fajitas and margaritas) last night. WOW! I picked decent options for sushi and Applebees and Chile's (really no excuse as all the nutritional info was available) but again, pretty much defeated the purpose when paired with alcohol which I'm sure had more calories than the food itself!

I then, as mentioned, had computer troubles and it ended up costing me a grand total of $920 to fix it. UGH! Total ripoff. I have SparkPeople on my phone but it was really hard for me to track. It was such a pain to try to manually enter all these foods on my phone and I just got frustrated and basically gave up.

I moved most of my stuff back into my condo today as my mom comes back from Florida tomorrow. It will be SO nice to be back in my own place with all my stuff. I've been really anxious/depressed here, probably because I grew up in this place (always hard to go home, isn't it?) I've stopped there a couple times to pick stuff up but haven't spent any extended time there in a long time.

I think I let myself slack off a LOT after I'd seen that I'd lost 15 lbs. I also haven't been able to hold myself accountable because I haven't weighed in in forever since I don't have a scale here. March is also a really difficult month for me (won't go into detail since this is such a public blog, but I tend to be a lot more emotional/stressed out in March). Part of me was thinking about starting some new goals starting April 1st, but then I thought, why wait til then? I don't want to suffer through March. I want to be proactive and I want to fight it.

I have 21 days before April begins. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit. So starting today, I am making myself my own little challenge. It isn't a whole lot different than my general goals, but I want to stick with these pretty strictly for at LEAST 21 days and I want to note the differences I feel.

My 21-Day Spring Challenge
1. Stick within my calorie range every single day for 21 days. Often I let myself slack 1 or 2 days a week and then I really am just taking two steps back because I go too overboard rather than just allowing myself to go a couple hundred calories over.
2. Work out at least 150 minutes per week for the next 3 weeks. My absolute minimum has been 90 minutes, which is pretty sad, so I'm upping it by an hour. I think this goal should be pretty easy for me, as I've been very consistent in doing my minimum of 90 minutes/week and I usually hit 150 minutes anyway.
3. Not a drop of alcohol. It's really derailing my efforts! I usually have a few drinks a week, typically at my dad's or with my friends. I'm just going to pass on this for a while. I think it will make me feel a lot better emotionally. Hangovers are NOT my friends! Even if I don't drink much and am not hungover, I still feel sluggish, and I know that alcohol is pretty much just poison.

That's it. Not hard, right? I just want to be CONSISTENT.

I do have positive things to look forward to, too. I get March 23rd off, and I have a friend coming in from out of town who will be staying with me for the weekend. I'm going to a Dar Williams concert the night of the 23rd, which will be amazing (she's my favorite artist, and it's been a couple years since I've seen her live.) I'm really looking forward to that already!

One thing that has made this sooo much easier is that the weather is perfect. Generally Wisconsin doesn't even start to get a glimpse of spring until late April, but we're having some BEAUTIFUL weather here. We had a mild winter to begin with but it really feels like spring. As I write this, I'm sitting in front of the open window, it's 66 degrees and sunny. I just got done with a walk/jog that lasted almost an hour and I burned 680 calories! This is the third time I've gone walking/jogging this week, but I went a lot further than usual this time (I think). The whole route is only 3.6 miles, but it is HILLY. I jog when going downhill and on some flat surfaces and then I walk all the uphills and most flat surfaces. I used to be able to do this in about 40 minutes but now I'm up to 52 minutes. Oh well. I blame the hills :)

My only problem with running is that even though I stretch a lot and cool down, I still end up so ridiculously sore and I end up having to take a couple days off of working out. I know I just have to get used to it again.

So here is my menu plan for this week as well as my workout plan. I'm eating more meat this week than I usually do because I had a couple recipes I really wanted to try!


Sunday
Dinner: Broccoli, bell pepper, and flank steak stir fry
Workout: Jog, 53 minutes total

Monday
Dinner: Blackened chicken with mixed greens, shredded cheese, sliced red onion, broccoli, bell pepper
Workout: Frontside (circuit training DVD), 45 minutes

Tuesday
Dinner: Wild Mushroom, Flank Steak, and Poblano Tacos
Workout: Cardio kickbox (25 minutes high-intensity cardio)

Wednesday
Dinner: Vegan samosa wraps
Workout: Rest day

Thursday
Dinner: Leftovers or something frozen
Workout: Wii boxing (Gold's Gym workout) for at least 40 minutes

Friday
Dinner: Jimmy John's vegetarian sub
Workout: Rest day

Saturday
Dinner: Slow Cooker Vegetable Curry
Workout: Backside (circuit training DVD), 50 minutes

Total workout minutes: 218 (3.6 hours)

I might not weigh myself for a while... I'm nervous about how much weight I gained while living here!
Hope everyone is doing well.

End of week 4, start of week 5!

End of week four already. I can't believe it. 

I'm sad to say I didn't do very well this week. This seems to be pretty consistent for me, doesn't it? Parts I did well, and parts I didn't. 

Calorie-wise I only stayed on track 4 out of the 7 days. My goal is usually to get at least 6 of 7 days on-target. And if I go over on the 7th day, I aim for it to not be that much more. The culprit? Alcohol and potlucks. Oh man. Tuesday we had a "going-away" party for my unit. We moved buildings two weeks prior but we hadn't had the potluck yet. Normally, potlucks at my work are pretty safe. There are usually fruit and veggie plates, and I typically bring my own lunch as a back-up in case there are options that aren't healthy. Unfortunately, what I thought was a potluck actually ended up being something catered by Q'doba, and I hadn't brought any other lunch with me. Thursday night was spent with my dad as usual, and I got my typical vegetarian Jimmy John's sub (high calorie and high fat, but so delicious) but then made myself some drinks. I ended up staying there pretty late. Then when I got home, I was so hungry that I ate more. Ugh. 

I did do pretty well on exercise this week, though. I racked up 200 fitness minutes this week. Not amazing, but pretty good for me. Most were pretty high intensity.

Friday night I was struggling. It'd been a long week at work. Having my friend there is great, but trying to train a complicated job while trying to actually complete said job is stressful. She kept talking about getting Chinese food after work, and all I could think about was how great it would be to get some myself, a bottle of wine, and relax in front of the TV. I almost did it, too.

But instead, I came home as planned, ate my leftover winter vegetable stew, did a quick and intense cardio kickbox session, and worked a little on my novel. I went to bed early and had a great sleep. Such a better decision. 

All in all, though, I gained 2.6 pounds this week. Ugh. 

I know I shouldn't be so dependent on the scale. I also felt bloated this morning so I'm going to weigh again tomorrow and the next day (so I can sum my total weight loss for January.)

I leave for Florida on Friday! I'm really excited. I'm hoping to eat really healthily there, what with all the fresh produce. Last year when we went, I ate healthily part of the time, but then ended up going out to bars with my sister at night. I'm hoping to do way less of that on this vacation. Maybe once or twice we can go out, but I would rather spend this trip spending time by the pool and beach instead, relaxing. 

So I only work through Wednesday. I took Thursday off so I can pack and get my apartment organized. Thus, I only menu planned from Saturday through Thursday. Here's this week's plan:

Saturday

Cape Malay Curry (the recipe is here. I rarely ever cook with red meat, but this is one exception - I LOVE this recipe! I've only made it twice because it's pretty time-consuming as it has to simmer for a couple hours, but it's very easy. Tons of complex flavors, I just love it.) 

Sunday

Cajun Vegetable Pizza. Recipe adapted from here - this was delicious! 1st time making it. The original site gives rough estimates. I used Trader Joe's whole wheat pizza dough. To keep it "light", I used 2.5 oz of cheese on the entire pizza - 1 oz reduced-fat smoked gouda (Trader Joe's makes a great one) and 1.5 oz fresh mozzarella.) The rest of the toppings on the pizza are just veggies - crushed tomato as the base (I just chopped one regular tomato up finely and spread it across the crust), jalapeno (I used anaheim because the store didn't have any jalapenos), red onion, bell pepper (I used a yellow one), and corn. The cajun seasoning makes this so special!

Monday

Bean-stuffed Peppers with Manchego (I've made this once before well over a year ago and recall loving it. I may post the recipe after I make it. It's a really unique dish! Not your ordinary stuffed pepper recipe.) 

Tuesday

Leftovers

Wednesday

Sunflower seed burger with avocado with a side of steamed broccoli (I just use a Sunshine Burger,  which I recently discovered - an organic, soy-free and wheat-free veggie burger. The only ingredients are organic brown rice, raw sunflower seed,s, carrots, herbs, and sea salt. Delicious! Tastes nothing at all like meat, but it's delicious on a bun or roll with avocado and ketchup.) 

Thursday

Leftovers

After that I'm not sure, as we'll be in Florida! I presume we'll do some good grocery shopping when we get there. I'm excited to go swimming and get some sun. 

I'm going to post on the 31st to do a summary for January. I am just hoping that I lose these extra couple pounds I gained, because I'd like to maintain a 10-lb loss for January!

Start of week 3

Well, as I mentioned in my last entry, this has been a really rough week. 

I didn't lose any weight at all, and I'm not sure if I gained. I'm 2 pounds heavier than I was on this day last week, but that was the day I'd lost 3 pounds overnight, so I thought it might be inaccurate. 

All in all, after 2 weeks, I am down 8.2 lbs, so that's great, I'm just disappointed that I didn't do a better job this week.

I had a hard time tracking, too. On Friday I met up with work friends for lunch and I got a grilled chicken salad - typical crappy bar fare, with iceberg lettuce, a few gross out of season tomato slices, and a slab of grilled chicken. Got French dressing on the side and barely used any of it. But it was tough to figure out exactly how many calories were in it. All my work friends got burgers or calzones, but it didn't really bother me at all actually (typically I would be craving that, but I was ok with my crappy salad.) Then it was my night with my dad so we got Jimmy John's (luckily, easy to track since they have all their nutritional info on their website). So I did ok Thursday and Friday. Last night though I went out with a friend to celebrate her getting a job at my agency and I caved and got a margarita - well, a mug-o-rita. This was my biggest mistake because after I started sipping on it I just figured, what the hell. I'd ordered the chicken caesar wrap with sauteed veggies with the full intention of saving half of it, but we spent two hours there at the restaurant and I ended up eating all of it. Ridiculous. That would explain the 1.6 lb overnight weight gain (salt, I'm sure.) I know you're supposed to ask for a to-go box right away, etc. but I just didn't prepare myself properly. Plus, this restaurant had essentially zero healthy options. I probably would've been better off ordering the chicken fajitas and just eating the chicken and veggies without the tortillas. 

It's also been - I cringe to say this - a WEEK since I've worked out. This changes today. I meant to on Thursday, but I came home from work and literally just broke down sobbing. We had a horrible snow storm and it'd taken me an hour and a half to get home (I work about 9 miles away) an I'd had such a terrible day at work and felt so hopeless. This job is really killing me. Then, of course, I intended to on Friday but I had to go straight to my dad's after work and by the time I got home it was almost 10 pm. And yesterday I had planned to work out before grocery shopping, but yet another excuse… I ended up making way too much coffee (I got a new brand, and without really noticing, accidentally made it twice as strong as I typically do, and I typically drink about 24 oz of coffee a day.)  I felt sick to my stomach, I was glued to the couch for 2 hours feeling terrible. I could've snuck a workout in later in the day, but I chose not to. 

So, as this is the start of week 3, I'm going to be as good as I was in week 1. That's my goal. It's a tough challenge because I am such an emotional wreck. But I can do it. I worked out a lot my first week and I loved how I felt, so I know it can only help. 

One of my resolutions is to also go to the doctor. I am planning on doing so after I get back from Florida in mid-February. I am going to ask her about possible medication to help manage my depression and anxiety. I haven't had a physical since I was 18 years old, so I am LONG overdue. I've just been so ashamed of my body and my weight that it has terrified me to go to the doctor. 

I did go to the eye doctor as I mentioned, so that's a good step in the right direction. I sort of had no choice as my glasses broke in half. It cost me a fortune (I have really, really, really bad vision and astigmatism) but at least I will have new glasses soon. 

I put together a menu plan for this week, and went grocery shopping yesterday. 

SUNDAY

Garlic chicken with broccoli

MONDAY

Turkey-Jasmine Rice Meatballs with Baby Bok Choy

TUESDAY

Leftovers

WEDNESDAY

Portobello mushroom and red bell pepper sandwiches

THURSDAY

Jimmy John's vegetarian sub

FRIDAY

Baked potato

SATURDAY

Something frozen, or leftovers

One of my other resolutions was to be more creative, and last night I did work on some little stuff for my walls. I went to the craft store yesterday and they had amazing sales going on. This is what I came up with. It was really fun, actually. I found the general idea on Pinterest. I need to do some touching up on it; I was impatient with the process (one of the reasons I'm not an artist) and I also need to buy some sort of varnish for it because it's pretty dull. (And I need to hang them better on the wall.) The original idea I found was to criss-cross masking tape across canvas and then spray-paint a couple coats of a single-color paint on it, then peel the tape off. I did the same process but decided to use acrylics and make each shape a different color. I had a bunch of different beads that I'd bought in a kit a long time ago so I just super glued them on. I like the bigger painting; the three little ones I'm not sure about (I should've gotten a smaller size masking tape for them.) 

My goals today are to clean my filthy apartment, do a good workout, and work on my novel a little bit at night. At some point I'm going to go see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo with my mom and sister. So it's a pretty busy day planned. I'll also need to shower... I better get cracking.

Starting the new year off right.

I was right, I weigh more today than I ever have in the past. Eek! I'm not yet comfortable sharing my exact weight on this blog, but let's just leave it at the fact that I want to lose 78 pounds (50 in 2012.) I'll be tracking my weight on SparkPeople, and maybe after I've lost some I'll admit my weight on this blog. ;)

The weather outside is terrible and has been this whole weekend, which bums me out since I have a 4-day weekend (on day 3, sadly. I almost miss unemployment.) There's a wind advisory right now and it's snowing, so I'll be spending my day indoors, most likely.

Started the year off with a delicious breakfast - a mini omelette. I've never actually made one before; I just saw the spinach in my fridge and thought I should incorporate it into my breakfast somehow. Just made with one egg, a bunch of baby spinach that i wilted in a spritz of olive oil, and 10g of romano cheese. The toast I served it with is my favorite thing --  7-grain sprouted bread from Trader Joe's with half a tablespoon of whipped Earth Balance (a vegan butter substitute, trans-fat free.) The bread has to be kept refrigerated or, if you're like me and can't burn through a loaf quickly enough, in the freezer. I keep fearing that I'm going to sound like a spokesperson for different companies on this blog, but I promise I'm not compensated :) The bread's ingredients: Sprouted wheat grains, oats, rye, barley, corn, rice, millet, wheat flour, water, honey, vital wheat gluten, yeast, molasses, salt. 5 grams of protein per slice, 60 calories per slice. My mom got a breadmaker over the holidays and I'd love to steal it a couple times to make my own bread, but this stuff is great and it's at least healthier than the HFCS-loaded "wheat' breads I find with other brands. Alongside a couple mugs of black coffee (this is not a habit I plan to change anytime soon - sorry, caffeine nay-sayers!) this is a yummy breakfast.  286 calories, 20g protein, 16g fat, 15g carbs.

Don't worry, I won't be posting every boring thing I eat, but I felt like I should blog on day one. 

I took a picture of my profile this morning and cringed. Even dressed in all black, this is not what a 25-year-old's body should look like - not when it is capable of being way healthier. I should mention right off the bat that I do absolutely believe in the "fat acceptance" movement, but I know that with my body, in particular, when it is healthy, it does not look like this. If I felt healthy, and was eating right, and exercising, and I still looked like this? I could live with it. But I know that at its healthiest, my body does not look anything like this. 

I've lost weight successfully only twice in the past. Once when I was a junior in high school and  "joined" Weight Watchers (meaning, I loosely followed the points system that my mom was using, and borrowed her materials). I lost about 30 pounds then and was almost to a healthy weight. I was also a member of a gym, which I can't afford anymore, sadly. And once in early 2010 when I joined SparkPeople for the first time and lost over 20 pounds. In early 2010 I weighed 40 pounds less than I do now - which means that I've managed to put on 40 pounds in just a year and a half. That is amazing (in a bad way) to me. That's not how someone's body is supposed to work. My sedentary and very stressful job contributed to this - but moreso, the bad choices I made. The job made me so anxious that I found solace in booze and food. That's why I think I really need to make this big change - so much of this is not going to be about my weight but more about how I handle stress. THAT is what needs to change. Because when I avoid alcohol, I eat right. When I exercise, I am less anxious.

2012 is about doing the harder thing - working out, doing yoga, taking a bath, allowing myself to feel pain rather than trying to numb it. It is about avoidance of the easy thing - grabbing a six-pack of beer and eating flavored pretzels until I feel like I'm going to explode and trying to numb my feelings so I don't have to deal with them anymore. That is just not the way to deal with life. It hasn't been working for me, so why would I keep doing it? It doesn't make anything go away in the end, it just makes me unhealthy and unhappy.

I have the knowledge, the power, and the ability to change my life. I know I do. I'm the only one who does. 

It's time!

Well, it's time!

I feel like I've been rushing around this week trying to get everything in order for the new year. This might be a mistake, because I tend to be so "all or nothing" and I need everything to be perfect. If I'm going to improve my life, I have to be able to not let myself freak out at everything that isn't perfect.

Today I did a lot of prep work. I've cleaned pretty much every square inch of my apartment, taken down the holiday decorations, taken my books off the shelves and wiped everything down, organized every cabinet, dumped half a bottle of Drano in my shower, did laundry. It's been a pretty intense day!

I also menu planned (which I do every week anyway) and went to Trader Joe's, which was packed. I should've known better on New Year's Eve! Our Trader Joe's in Madison is painfully small, with awful parking (my mom's lost her side-view mirror twice in that teeny tiny lot!) but there are just so many things I can't get anywhere else. Earth Balance, for one thing - I haven't been able to find it even at our hugest grocery store. I love that stuff! I also love their frozen brown rice. And their mini ice cream cones, but I didn't buy them this time around. They'd be a reasonable treat if I could stick to one, but too often I eat a ton of them at once, haha. 

Also made a trek to Target (also very busy) to pick up some stuff I couldn't get at Trader Joe's (really TJ's? You don't have ANY dried beans or barley?) because I had a couple gift cards from Christmas. In addition to some stuff I needed, I bought a bunch of stuff I don't need, like a little spa kit (exfoliating scrub, moisturizer, and under-eye cream). It makes me happy :) 

I weigh in tomorrow and I am pretty terrified. I am almost certain I am at my highest weight I've ever been. Especially after all the alcohol and food over the holidays. 

Here's my menu plan for week one! These are for dinners, obviously. Breakfast is generally the same for me... sprouted 7-grain bread (toasted) and an over-easy egg. Sometimes I'll switch it up but this is pretty typical for me. In the summer I'll add fruit that I like - pears or berries - but really the only seasonal fruits right now are citrus and I really hate most citrus fruit (my skin also reacts oddly to it.) Lunch is usually leftovers from the night before.

Sunday

Veggie pad thai with snow peas and tofu (I use this recipe from Veggie Num Num with a few tweaks - it's delicious! I had to order tamarind paste online, and I'm so glad I did.)

Monday

Portobello mushroom sandwiches with bell peppers, spinach, garlic aioli and a side of  roasted brussels sprouts (my own little creation that is super delicious, I eat it almost every week now. When I make it this week, I might post it as a "recipe" since I've never really measured anything out. For the brussels sprouts, I just halve them, toss them with a little bit of olive oil, salt, and thyme, and roast them.)

Tuesday

Whole-wheat egg noodles with baby spinach, ricotta and herbs (a very simple recipe from Cooking Light)

Wednesday

Leftovers

Thursday

Slow-cooker bean and barley soup (I've never made this one before; I try to make at least one new recipe every week. I just got a crock pot for Christmas, and I've never used one before, so I'm excited to try it out! The recipe is from the Food Network, and is here.)

Friday

Probably a sub sandwich of some kind (I spend one night a week with my Dad and it is usually Friday, and we always eat out) - usually from Jimmy John's, typically I get the veggie sub.

Saturday

Leftovers

My fridge, currently! Blurry, I know. My favorite items - my filtering water pitcher (just changed the filter today, it tastes really good); eggs (I tend to eat an egg every morning for breakfast - I should probably cut it down to fewer days than that, but I can't help it); Earth Balance; sunflower seed butter (this stuff is sooo addicting, but it's expensive... the entire second shelf is veggies (celery, fresh herbs, broccoli, brussels sprouts, portobellos, snow peas, bean sprouts, baby carrots). I sort of unintentionally made my first week a vegetarian one, usually I make one or two meals a week with chicken but I guess just didn't feel like it this week. I usually just go through my recipes in MacGourmet (there are over 300 of them, yikes) and pick what stands out. 

I'm going to set goals for the first two weeks. 

1. Stay within calorie range 12 out of the 14 days. 

2. Avoid alcohol 100%, including cooking with it, for these first two weeks.

3. Lose 4 pounds (in the 2 weeks).

4. Log in to my Wii Fit every day to do the body test. 

5. Log at least 180 minutes of exercise in the first 2 weeks. 

6. Take my St. John's Wort all 14 days (I need to find a way to remind myself to do this, I am so bad with taking medication of any kind.)

It's going to be a rough couple weeks for me because of work. There are huge changes occurring at my work, mainly that I have to move to the other building on the 10th of January. My job is going to change, my coworkers are going to change (I believe when all is said and done, only one of my current amazing coworkers will end up working with me, and she's only part time, so I'm essentially losing a lot of my support system.) I suspect a lot of anxiety will arise, which makes it extra important for me to stay on track. Typically I'd just want to come home and have a bunch of wine, but I just have to resist that because I know it doesn't help and it just makes it all worse. 

So, here's hoping :) It all starts tomorrow! 

Specific goals... continued.

So, in terms of reaching these goals... (and please note that I do brand-name-drop some stuff here; I have no motivation for this except that it's stuff I like!)

Nutritionally
I love reading about nutrition so I usually have this department under control. I am not a saint in this department. I do sometimes eat processed foods (though, what really ISN'T processed in some way?) I don't eliminate any food groups. I focus on fruits and vegetables and whole grains. About one meal that I cook per week contains meat; otherwise I generally eat vegetarian. I eat eggs and dairy, but try not to substitute meat with a ton of cheese. I like beans and lentils. I can't restrict myself too much because otherwise I won't stick with it. I try to eat whole grains mostly but once in a while I will eat white breads (e.g. flour tortillas). I do read ingredients labels and avoid trans fats.

I use SparkPeople for my nutritional tracking. I think the reason I haven't kept up with blogs in the past is because I insisted on blogging every single day with every single thing I'd eaten. With SP I can just track it on there and leave it. I follow the nutritional guidelines that SparkPeople sets for me in terms of calories, protein, carbs and fats. I do hope, though, to maybe post on here a weekly summary of how I did that week. Hopefully that will help me keep on track. Generally SparkPeople gives me anywhere between 1300 and 1700 calories per day to eat.

I don't drink enough water. I eat breakfast every day but often don't even have a glass of water with it. When I get to work I raid the coffee pot. I kept buying water bottles but I have yet to find one that doesn't leak all over my bag. I finally just got a Nalgene that doesn't leak, and we have a great water cooler at work so I can re-fill it.

One of my challenges is that I love cooking, but it is hard for me to cook for just one person. Most meals I make serve 4. Many I can cut in half, but then that tends to leave me with leftover ingredients that I won't use in another meal before they go bad.  A lot of times I'll bring food over to my mom's and leave her with the leftovers, and I almost always eat the leftovers for lunch the next day. I do have a couple of "cooking for one or two" cookbooks.

I have way too many cookbooks so meal planning is not difficult for me. I use MacGourmet to organize my recipes and every week I meal plan before I go shopping.

So where does my difficulty lie in the nutritional department? Why do I weigh so much?  Usually emotional eating. I don't keep junk food in the house (and I live alone so that's helpful) but if I ever go out then I eat too much. I also have an "all or nothing" mentality that I need to learn how to change. Also, when alcohol is involved, then you can forget about it. Which is why I need to not drink! Not to mention all the calories in alcohol...

Exercise

I go in streaks with exercise. I know how good it makes me feel. I've always enjoyed cardio more than strength training, so that's something I want to learn more about in 2012. I have a small but great collection of exercise DVDs. A couple years ago I decided I wanted to start doing step aerobics, and I'm really glad I did. I bought a step (this one) and a couple beginner DVDs. I learned the very basics from Gin Miller's "Everybody Steps" DVD (link) and then moved on to her Simply Step DVD which is a hard workout for me. Easy choreography but intense! I also have Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred as well as her Ultimate Workout 3-Pack - I'm not a big fan of Jillian and I don't like the concept behind the Biggest Loser but I do love her workouts. The cardio kickbox is a great 20-min workout for me. I also do have a yoga DVD that I don't use very often, and a great new SparkPeople 10-min workouts video which focuses on different parts of the body so I'm hoping to use that for strength training. I also got a Wii and Wii Fit for my birthday this year, and I love it. It's very low-intensity, of course, but according to my heart rate monitor the estimates that the Wii Fit gives me are actually fairly accurate. It's fun to play with and I can do it for an hour without even realizing it and I can burn up to 300 calories in that hour just playing on the Wii. 

I really enjoy my heart rate monitor, I use it every time I work out and the results have been surprising. I was actually under-estimating my calorie burning for almost every workout I was doing. The hour-long Simply Step video I mentioned had me burning 700 calories!

So, here are my specific goals for each week.
-- Stay within calorie range (determined by SparkPeople and my current weight) at least 6 out of 7 days a week.
-- For January, work out at least 90 minutes per week.
-- Drink 64 oz of water per day.
-- One day a week (Saturday or Sunday) have a "spa" day where I spend time taking care of myself - bath, lotion, relaxing.

Time for goal setting.

They say you get nowhere without goals. I've been working on my list for a while now. It's a big list. But 2012 has to get better! 2011 was really rough for me. So was 2010, actually. So, here are my goals!

Weight and general physical health

- Lose 50 pounds, or a little less than 1 lb/wk. (Actual goal weight is to lose 70 lbs, but for 2012, 50 is my goal.) 

- Exercise for a minimum of 90 minutes per week, even if it's something low-impact. I can go on big streaks where I work out quite a lot for a while but then get sore and take way too many days off. I want to not overdo it. I am going to count very low-impact, low-cardio minutes as well, at least to start off with (e.g. my Wii Fit, yoga)

- Get a physical exam by a doctor and perhaps a psychiatrist. It has been about 7 years since I had a real physical! I have a major fear of doctors without any real reason behind it aside from anxiety. I've never even met my PCP (since my insurance changed about a year and a half ago, I haven't met with her yet.)

- Dentist appointment. It's been about a year and a half since my last cleaning… no excuse for that! 

Alcohol use

I drink waaay too much! It is mainly to help manage anxiety - and of course, alcohol doesn't actually manage anxiety. I drank a lot in college and then not much after that for a while when I was unemployed, but the stress that comes with my job seems to require a drink!  But I know this is a bad road to head down on. When I drink I feel crappy and unproductive the entire following day. I know my body is telling me to stop it. So my goal isn't to cut out alcohol altogether, but I need to drink like a normal person again, which involves:

-- No drinking alone. There are other ways to deal. I don't need to have 3 or 4 glasses of wine with dinner!

-- No binge drinking (maximum 4 drinks in an evening) when I do choose to drink.

-- Finding good alternatives to calm myself down, which leads me to... 

Emotional Goals

Most importantly: alternatives to sitting around depressed and anxious. My current ideas:

Journal.

Bubble bath.

Square breathing. 

Relaxation videos.
Candles! I need to buy some for my fireplace since I'm too freaked out to start a real
fire.
Yoga.
Meditation.
And, of course, exercise is great for anxiety.

Other Goals
Creativity. I really want to write more. To start with...
- work on my novel more. Or just at ALL. In January I'd like to complete at least 20 pages. Doesn't sound like a lot, but I need to get going.
- Get some canvas and paint again. Maybe look up some crafty DIY stuff online. I love crap like that but haven't been very good at it.
- I want to join some sort of social group. I'm considering looking at some of the Unitarian Universalist churches in the area after attending a really nice winter solstice event last night.

the point

I don't know exactly what I want from this blog. But I think I need to start one. It's an idea I've toyed with for a long time, and it's my New Year's resolution to USE this!

Use it for what? Well, essentially, to help myself make my life better. Yep, this is a selfish blog!

The initial purpose was to track my primary goal for 2012 which is weight loss. This has pretty much been a mild obsession of mine since I was... well, you know, very young. I've always been overweight, but it's gotten out of hand the past couple years. Four years of college (AKA junk food and booze) followed by the most stressful job ever has led to a pretty unhealthy me. I have the same boring typical goals of everyone - lose weight, exercise more.

But to me it's more than that. I know that I only feel good when I'm working out and eating right, but I also need to learn to manage stress in an effective way!

Not only that, but I want to create more. Which is part of this blog. I've always written, always kept journals. I'm writing a novel. Not a good one, but a cathartic one. So another goal is to create more, instead of being a mindless consumer - most days, I come home from work, and after cooking dinner (my other good form of creation - I love cooking) I just loaf. I multitask while I watch television - read blogs, just consume, consume, consume. I want to create more. I had a brief love affair with some canvas and acrylics, but my ability ends at creating what one would call "abstract" art. But I know I have more in me. I can do more.


I also want to use this blog to collect. Sort of like a scrapbook (dare I say kinda like Tumblr? Ruh roh.) When I find things that inspire me, or articles, I just want to post them, and reflect on them.

This is my first post. Wish me luck.

I will be posting more specific goals, and how I plan to attain these goals, closer to January 1st. In the mean time, I'll probably just be posting stolen stuff from other places :) I started making my own little slideshow over a year ago of pictures and quotes and words I've collected... I think it's time to share.