Sunday, December 16, 2012

December 16th


Yikes.

I didn't update last week; that might be the first time this year that I skipped it entirely.

I got really really really sick last week, sicker that I can ever remember being, and was out of commission for a long time.

I've also been having a lot of issues emotionally/mentally that are refusing to budge at the moment, so I'm just trying to hang in there.

The good thing about being sick is that I lost some weight and seem to have sort of broken through my plateau. I thought it was all water weight at first, but I've maintained the loss so far.

Today was the first day in about a week and a half that I felt well enough to exercise. It was a bit of a disaster, I went running in a t-shirt thinking it was warm enough. It wasn't. It was a pretty miserable workout. Now I'm even more emotionally drained than I was before.

Anyway, I've lost 42.2 lbs total which is nice. Hoping to maintain this through the holidays. Here's my menu/exercise plan for the week. 

SUNDAY
Thai-style stir fried chicken & veg
Jog, 51 minutes

MONDAY
Leftovers
Cardio Kickbox, 25 minutes

TUESDAY
Crispy glazed tofu and broccoli
Frontside, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Portobello and bell pepper sandwiches with aioli and brussels sprouts
Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Rest day

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Walk/run or step aerobics

Sunday, December 2, 2012

December 2nd


I did okay this week. My stress levels are still pretty high and work was really irritating this week, but this weekend has been really nice so far. 

I'd gained weight over the week of Thanksgiving, which I knew would happen, but I'm down 2 pounds from the start of the week so that's good… I'm still about 3 lbs heavier than my lowest weight this year, though, and I'd really like to get back down to a total of 40 lbs lost by January 1st. My goal was 50 lbs for 2012, but I'd be okay with 40 at this point!

I got in 250 fitness minutes, which was what I'd planned, so I'm happy with that. 

I completed week 1 of the Skinny Snowman challenge. I didn't do nearly as well as I'd hoped, but there's always this week! Right now I'm slacking in the fruit department… you get 10 points/day for eating three servings of fruit which I never do. I usually get in 1 or 2 servings, but as far as I can tell with the challenge, it's all or nothing. I am not a big fruit fan, so I eat a lot of vegetables instead. I eat a lot more fruit in the summer but I'm not a big fan of citrus and other winter fruit. At any rate, I think I'll do better this week!

I did great on water consumption, I've been good about bringing my water bottle with me everywhere I go and if I just fill it up twice I manage my 64 oz. 

Had a couple great workouts this weekend. Went for a jog yesterday on my normal 3.6-mile route. It's been a while since I've done that. I am ridiculously sore today, but took some ibuprofen and cranked out my hour-long step aerobics. Now I'm double-sore, but at least I feel accomplished. 

The weekly goal for Skinny Snowman is to try a new workout, which I'm planning on doing on Thursday - Go Step Aerobics which is from a different instructor than I usually use and a different video. I think I tried it when I first got it like 3 years ago, but I don't think I ever finished it… so I consider it a new workout. 

Here's my meal plan for the week.

SUNDAY
Veggie French bread pizzas
Step Aerobics

MONDAY
Leftovers
Rest Day

TUESDAY
Thai-style stir-fried chicken and vegetables
Frontside circuit training

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside circuit training

THURSDAY
Southwestern baked egg rolls and salad
Go Step Aerobics

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Rest Day

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Step Aerobics or walk/run


Saturday, November 24, 2012

November 25th and Skinny Snowman challenge

Okay, I need a boost here. I keep saying in every single entry what a hard time I've been having lately with doing things correctly. It's a bit odd to me because although I've certainly gotten off track this year, it is nothing like how it's been the past month or so. I think most recently I've just been PMSing, but things are just not right with me. My anxiety is through the roof, and I know that I'd be feeling so much better if I were doing things right. You know all those great and rational plans I had for the Thanksgiving week? I think I knew even when i was making those plans that I wasn't going to follow through with them Of course I did fine during the first few days of the week, but Thanksgiving was a big disaster. 

The guilt I feel when I'm not doing things right or healthfully is completely destroying any happiness I should be having during the holidays. It's so silly. 

So, what am I going to do between now and New Year's to keep myself sane and on track? I've joined the Skinny Snowman Challenge and I'm hoping that keeps me on track. I know ultimately that I just need to get back into the right mindset of "just f'ing DO IT." I'm going back to my handwritten notes too. I still track everything on SparkPeople but I like having a paper journal. Plus, for the challenge I'll need to keep track of lots of things so that I can keep track of my points. I've printed off everything I need and did all my grocery shopping today.

I'm going to try to focus on some other aspects of health… my anxiety has been so bad lately that I'm going to really need to focus on keeping myself slightly sane. I also really need to start drinking lots of water again, I keep realizing at like 3 pm each day that all I've had to drink is coffee.

Anyway, here's my menu plan and exercise plan for a week. Week 1's mini challenge is to try a new recipe, which I'm doing on Thursday. I wish that was the mini challenge every week, haha. I'm always trying new recipes.

SUNDAY
Artichoke, Spinach, and Goat-Cheese Stuffed Mushrooms
Step Aerobics, 63 minutes

MONDAY
Leftovers
Rest Day

TUESDAY
Baked chicken taquitos
Frontside, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Spicy Vegan Sriracha Tofu with Peanut Butter
Spark Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Yoga

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Walk/run or Step Aerobics

Monday, November 19, 2012

November 18th

Yikes.

I'm not even weighing myself lately. That's how bad this past week was.

I got sick... which always screws me up terribly. I only did about 100 minutes of fitness for the entire week because I was sick. And although it was a stomach bug, I don't think I lost any weight. Mainly because when I DID start feeling better, I was so hungry and weak that I ate a ton. It was sort of awful.
Luckily I was pretty on track yesterday and have tried to sort of suck it up. It is really difficult for me to focus right now, knowing that Thanksgiving is coming up and all of that. On Thanksgiving I'm just going to try to be reasonable. I'm going to avoid the wine, eat reasonable portions of all my favorites, and I have a workout planned for the afternoon. I'm also not going to take home any leftovers, which always makes my mom mad, haha.

 I'm also going to try to make it to Devil's Lake over the weekend, which is always a good workout. The weather is pretty nice here all week, so I might try to go on Friday. I was originally planning on going out of town, but I don't think I'm going to now.

Yesterday I did my first workout in 5 days... my step aerobics... it was TOUGH.

I think I mentioned that I've been struggling so much with motivation lately. This is why I haven't lost weight in ages. Normally I roll my eyes when I lack motivation because honestly, most of me is just like "Just shut up and DO IT" and that normally works. But I've been struggling, especially this past month. I keep trying to find things to switch it up a bit to keep it interesting, but I've just had so much else on my mind lately. I think part of me is wanting to put off that "extra push" until the new year, but I really don't want to undo the progress I HAVE made. My goal for 2012 was to lose 50 lbs and I've lost 40, so that's pretty good in my book. I just know that if I cut myself slack at this time of year I will end up gaining 5-10 lbs back. And there's no time like the present.

One thing that's minorly exciting is that I discovered Collage Video. How did I not know about this before?! I love being able to watch clips of lots of different workout videos; it lets me gauge if I can do it or not. I found out that my step aerobics video that I do each week is actually rated as 'intermediate/advanced' which made me kind of happy. At any rate, I added a bunch of videos to my Amazon wishlist when I was sick, so I should probably be getting some for the holidays. I'll be excited to mix it up a bit. I definitely need more videos and I don't like renting/borrowing them because I usually end up using them for a long time.

SUNDAY
Beef and vegetable stew
Step Aerobics, 63 minutes

MONDAY
Leftovers
Rest Day (I may do some yoga or cardio kickbox though depending on what time I leave work)

TUESDAY
Chicken Caesar salad wraps
Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside circuit training, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Thanksgiving
Spark Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY
Korean-style tofu and veggie noodles
Hike/walk, probably around 50-60 minutes

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Walk/run, probably 50ish minutes






Monday, November 12, 2012

November 11th

Hey there.

I guess Monday seems to be my new updating day, doesn't it? This weekend was sort of an odd one for me and I ended up sort of running out of time and then being too lazy to update.

My week was all right. I actually did finally hit that 40 lbs lost mark on Tuesday. Sadly, today, I am up 1.6 lbs from that mark. I can't wait until I really maintain it. I'm pretty sure the culprit was my going out to dinner on Friday night and not being careful enough... I ate quite a bit.

I managed something like 310 fitness minutes, but only because quite a lot of that (over an hour) was meditative yoga. I probably shouldn't have really counted that. Some yoga is truly quite difficult; the video I was using was definitely not. It was nice though, and pretty relaxing, but was pretty much just stretching and not a whole lot of balance/core/strength work.

Mentally I haven't been doing great. Not sure if it's weather-related or what, but I've been really anxious for about a week or so now. I kind of feel like I'm bouncing off the walls with nervous energy. Which I supposed is better than being nervous with no energy, right? I've had a lot of decisions to make lately and it's exhausting.

I keep trying to be self-motivating and get myself pumped up, but it's so hard when I'm in such a plateau. And again, I know I could break through this plateau if I were just being more careful, and didn't keep having the one or two "bad days" I have each week. It's been harder lately knowing that the holidays are coming up and all that.

Here's my menu plan for the week.


SUNDAY
Garlic chicken and chipotle tacos
Simply Endurance, 54 minutes (this is a video I've had for a while and never completed. I don't know how I feel about it. Not great, since I hate strength training!)

MONDAY
Leftovers
Rest day

TUESDAY
Crunchy chicken salad with celery, grapes, and apples
Frontside, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Sweet Potato Skins with broccoli
Backside, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Creamy Orzo and Mushroom Pasta
 Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Rest day

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Step Aerobics, 63 minutes

Sunday, November 4, 2012

November 4th

Hi!
November's going pretty well so far. This past week was okay eating-wise (Halloween was bad, and wine was involved) but pretty awful with exercise. I only got about 161 minutes in. Part of this is that I feel like I am getting sick. Friday I woke up with a stuffy nose and sore throat. Luckily, it went away later in the day but I've been sleeping a LOT and taking Dayquil and ginger. I can still feel it coming on, but it's Sunday and I feel pretty okay so maybe I am warding it off. I did work out yesterday and today, for over an hour each day, so I feel pretty good about that. Today I took a short hike in the woods, but I wasn't really satisfied with that. I raked for like 10 minutes but then got a phone call and ended up talking to him for like a half hour, and then gave up on the raking. So when I got home, I did my short but quite intense cardio kickboxing.

I'm happy to say I've hit my lowest weight again and I'm down 39.2 pounds. I keep waiting and waiting to see the 40 lbs lost mark and I know that if I just stop having those one or two bad days each week that I could hit it.

November has some vague goals in mind -- I know I said I was trying to be better with feeling motivated, so I did start a binder to help with tracking. I kind of always have the same goals - staying w/in my calorie range 6/7 days, reaching 1,000 fitness minutes for the month, and no alcohol. I always seem to do better at the beginning of each month, so I'm hoping to hit that 40 lb mark soon.

Here's my menu plan/exercise plan for the week.


SUNDAY
Frittata with spinach, potatoes, and leeks (I actually made this for breakfast and had leftovers for dinner -- it's delicious, though)
Hike & cardio kickbox (70 minutes total)

MONDAY
Leftovers
Rest day

TUESDAY
Butternut Squash and Black Bean Soup
Frontside, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Lasagna rolls with roasted red pepper sauce
 Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Rest day

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Step Aerobics, 63 minutes



Monday, October 29, 2012

October 28th

I didn't write yesterday because I ended up having a pretty busy weekend, so I'm catching up today.

I actually had a pretty decent week health-wise. Didn't QUITE make it to 250 fitness minutes, but I got in about 240 -- and the only reason I didn't knock out those extra ten minutes was that I decided to go for a run on Saturday instead of my (easier) step aerobics. It was a pretty good run and I ended up making my fastest time so far this year. I do much better when it's cold out.

The only bad thing I did was have a bunch of dry red wine on Saturday night, it was so good. Oops.

I don't have much else to report. I'm still hovering around the same weight, which is irritating. I hit my lowest weight again on Saturday, but I'm a pound and a half up from that this morning. I probably need to change up my workouts and eating, but I feel so unmotivated lately. I don't know if it's the weather or what, but I'm just feeling sick and exhausted all the time. I feel like I'm kind of in this half-heartedly... but at least I'm in it, I guess? I've felt this way for a few weeks now.

I'm not writing down my workout or meal plan because I'm at work right now and don't have it handy... I do know I'm making vegan chili (did that last night), mini sliders, chicken pasanda... some good stuff. And my exercise plan seems to be the same every week anyway (probably one of the causes of this plateau.) So, nothing exciting there.

Thinking of doing something to "recharge" for November. Creeping up on holidays always makes me nervous. I want to be excited about this again... and changing it up seems to help. I used to keep a binder where I printed out all my plans for the week and wrote down my food and stuff, but I've kind of stopped doing that now with SparkPeople. I did like it, so maybe I'll start again. Little projects like that help with the motivation for me.

I'm SO CLOSE to that 40 lbs lost mark and I'm so irritated I haven't hit it yet! My goal for 2012 was to lose 50 pounds. I know that expecting to lose 10 more pounds in two months when I've been at a plateau for like, a month now, is probably not realistic, especially given the holidays and all that. But I'd like to lose and maintain at least 40... or even 45.

Maybe I'll work on that binder tonight. I have to do a long workout today because I ended up skipping my step aerobics yesterday -- it was kind of a rough day. I usually try not to work out on Mondays since I don't generally get home from work until almost 8pm, but I'm going to have to tonight. Boo.




Sunday, October 21, 2012

October 21

Wow, what a week! And weekend.

I had a half bad and half great week, health-wise. I kind of had the same problem I did last week where I did great the very beginning, crappy in the middle, and then great again at the end. I was really stressed out and irritable and, as it turns out, I was PMSing. I've pretty much been maintaining the same weight, at 37 lbs lost. I think my body is probably freaking out at the random good and bad things I'm putting into it. 

I didn't do as well on exercise as I planned. A little under 200 minutes. I need to get back up to 250. 

I took Friday off from work and it's a great thing that I did. I think I needed an extra day of break. I've had an amazing weekend, including three fantastic workouts (an hour of step aerobics on Friday, over an hour of hiking yesterday, and a really hard hour of jogging today) and I've stayed on-track, food wise, despite going out to eat twice (once at Granite City, once at Panera.) I don't have a whole lot of time to go into it right now but I had a fantastic weekend and some good night's sleep and some Fall Therapy including pumpkin-buying, autumn-scented candles, hiking in the woods, and ice cold hard apple cider, which I am sipping on right now. I also made some delicious homemade low-fat, low-sugar granola that I'm in love with and will probably make again pretty soon since I have all the ingredients handy. Definitely enjoyed scarfing some of that down while hiking.

I'm trying extra hard to stay afloat and happy because I have some seasonal affective disorder issues (well, who doesn't?) with the daylight changes. I've been really anxious, irritable, and depressed. So I'm trying REALLY hard to not let it get to me, and I know the best way to do that is to stay on track. 

SUNDAY
Artichoke chicken sandwiches
Run, 51 minutes

MONDAY
Baked Goat Cheese and roasted winter squash over garlicky fettuccine
Rest day

TUESDAY
Crispy Quinoa Sliders
Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside circuit training, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
French onion soup and salad
Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY
Walnut and rosemary chicken sandwiches, salad
Rest day

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Step aerobics, 63 minutes

Saturday, October 13, 2012

October 14th

Writing a day early because I have a busy Sunday planned!

Well, I had a really, really terrible week. I'm refusing to even weigh myself because I don't want to see the damage I've done. I think I will wait another week before I weigh in. I haven't been that stressed out in a long, long time and although I tried to manage it healthily, I didn't. I'm feeling really disappointed in myself which is a terrible feeling. My goal was 250 fitness minutes, and I only made it to 171. My week started out great, I felt like I could handle the stress and got to see my favorite poet in the world perform right here in Madison, which was an incredible and emotional evening. But gradually the stress got to me and I just sort of shut down. Had three really bad days. One night I even drank and ate pizza with one of my friends. But Friday I picked myself back up and finally worked out again and it was HARD (I've really gotten used to working out 6 days a week and taking 3 days off really hurt my stamina!) and then today I menu planned, had a torturous trip at the grocery store and cleaned my entire kitchen (and apartment) which makes cooking less of a chore. My workout today was easier than yesterday's and now I feel much better. Made chicken tacos for dinner tonight that were super delicious and I'm just going to have a nice relaxing evening at home. I'm also taking next Friday off so I'll have a long weekend next week, and I'm already looking forward to it!


SUNDAY
African peanut stew over brown rice
Step Aerobics, 63 minutes

MONDAY
Rest day
Leftovers

TUESDAY
Grilled chicken sandwiches (grilled chicken, spinach, tomato, mayonnaise on a toasted bun)
Frontside circuit training, 43 mins

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside circuit training, 53 mins

THURSDAY
Baked Goat Cheese and Roasted Winter Squash fettuccine
Spark Cardio Blast, 35 mins

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Rest day (I might do cardio kickbox if I feel like it)

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Walk/run, 50-ish minutes

Sunday, October 7, 2012

October 7th

I had an okay week, and a really nice weekend. Why does the weekend go so quickly? I could really always use one more day. 

I've actually gained a pound since last Sunday, but I'm okay with that. I had a really odd up-and-down week, weight-wise. Last Sunday I hit my lowest weight, at 39.4 lbs lost. Now I'm at 38.4 lbs lost. 

I've had a lot of challenges this week with eating out and stuff. I wouldn't say I made good choices, but I made "better" choices. 

I had a rough start to the week and skipped two workout days, but then I made up for one of them on my rest day, so I still wound up doing 274 fitness minutes this week. It feels odd to me now that reaching 1,000 minutes in a month was such a challenge; it seems really natural to me to be aiming for at least 250 minutes per week. Which is a great thing, of course! I've just gotten so used to working it into my daily schedule that it feels odd to not work out. 

I had a couple great ups this week, too. I had an incredible jog on Thursday. I'm not sure why, but I had a lot of energy and ended up doing the fastest run I've done in a LONG time on that route. I shaved a solid 4 minutes off of it. I completed it in 49 minutes. I think the fastest I ever did it (a couple years ago) was 46 minutes. 

I felt chaotic and busy yesterday - it was a good day, but I was all over the place. I did my step aerobic workout and it was really hard (probably because I didn't start it until 8 pm) and I was just sort of cranky.

So today I took myself on a short hike at a park I haven't been to in a long, long time. I have a lot of memories of this particular place, some good and some bad, and I had a really, really relaxing, nice time. I went really far away from any other people. After a while, I just sat in a tree and hung out and listened to music, and it was really what I needed. I can get myself so wound up about things and I haven't felt that relaxed in a while. I'm also going to do some yoga tonight after the food baby in my stomach settles (I just ate dinner.) I wasn't sure what I was going to do for my workout today and I think I made a good choice.

Tomorrow I get to see Andrea Gibson, my favorite poet, perform at a coffee house here in Madison. I'm really excited and, oddly, anxious about it. I'll be out of the house pretty much all day because I'm going there straight from work, so I'm trying to plan something to bring to work to eat for dinner, too.

Here's my menu/exercise plan for the week.

SUNDAY
Zucchini and spinach calzones
Hike & Yoga 

MONDAY
Leftovers
rest day

TUESDAY
Veggie pad thai
Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Portobello mushroom and red pepper sandwiches
Backside circuit training, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Leftovers
Cardio kickbox, 25 minutes

FRIDAY
Herbed chicken parmesan and broccoli
Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Step Aerobics, 63 minutes

Saturday, September 29, 2012

September 29th


I've had so much going on this week, and I'm going to update tonight instead of tomorrow because I have a ton to do tomorrow!

I had a good week. No real screw-ups. 296 fitness minutes, and… I crossed 1,000 minutes for the month! That was my initial goal and I didn't think I'd make it, but after this week I'm up to 1,009 (and am planning on doing a 63-minute step aerobics workout tomorrow so I'll be at 1072 for the month.) 

I had trouble tracking because I get frustrated when I don't know the nutritional information for what I'm eating, but I think I did a pretty good job tracking. I mentioned in my last entry that I was having a cookout at my dad's, a birthday dinner out at a restaurant, and a fish fry at my grandma's, all in the same week - AND that I was thinking of having a small birthday party.They all went pretty well. At the cookout, I did bring my turkey burger, but I ended up leaving it with my dad because he ended up grilling chicken and vegetables, so that worked out nicely. There actually wasn't any red meat at all - he made salmon for my sister and mom, and chicken for me.  At my birthday dinner, I had a vegan tofu stew that was really delicious. It was probably pretty caloric because I'm pretty sure the broth had coconut milk in it, but it wasn't a gigantic serving and I still felt like it was a somewhat healthy choice. The next day was the fish fry, and I definitely went overboard - had a ton of salad, as planned, but probably had too much fish. But I did track as best as I could and only went a little bit over my calories that day. Last night I did have a little gathering, but my friend and I ate dinner beforehand (leftover salad from the fish fry) and I didn't drink anything. So that was nice.  At any rate, I felt good this week and I've lost all that weight I gained sooo I count it all as a win. 

Today I hiked for a little over an hour at Devil's Lake which is always nice., and despite being exhausted this week, managed to make it to the grocery store, too. Tonight I made a really fantastic recipe for Thai-style Stir-fried chicken - it's about as easy as you can get and I've been making it occasionally for years now. I always forget how much I like it. I think it was one of the first things I learned how to make, and was the first time I used curry paste. The recipe is here. There's enough sauce to add extra vegetables, too. Here's the rest of my menu/exercise plan for the week. 

Anyway, as mentioned, I'm really tied up this weekend so I'm off! 

SUNDAY
Spinach Lasagna
Step aerobics

MONDAY
Leftovers
Cardio Kickbox

TUESDAY
Thai chicken salad wraps
Frontside, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Fettuccine and tofu with peanut sauce and broccoli
Spark Cardio Blast

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Rest Day

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Walk/run

Sunday, September 23, 2012

September 23rd


I had an odd week! In regard to food and exercise it was ridiculously bad. Oh man. My heart was SO not in it this week. I mentioned in my last entry that I'd gained six pounds - well, in the first half of the week I dropped 5, and then I went right back up and gained 6 back. Kind of ridiculous. I was trying really hard to not let myself slip but I could not get rid of my all-or-nothing thinking. Basically, I knew I was having a little get-together and I'd given myself permission to drink and to eat total shit, and I did. But knowing that I had that permission -- I started slacking off on Wednesday. My goal was to have ONE bad night - Friday - and just be good the rest of the week. Well, I didn't. I did well through Tuesday and then stopped. I only got 120 fitness minutes in. So I know I'm not going to reach the 1,000 minutes I'd wanted for September, but I have full faith I can do it in October!

I'm gonna get a little more personal in this entry than I usually do, and I have mixed feelings about that, because I try to be somewhat of a sort of private person online, but whatever. I've been thinking a lot about an old friend of mine that shared the same birthday as me, one year apart - she would've been 27 this Wednesday, but she passed away when I was 16. It used to make my birthdays kind of terrible, but I've sort of made peace with it now. I think about her a lot because she was a wonderful, brave, adventurous girl. The odd thing about our friendship was that it only lasted four months. She came into my life quickly and left quickly. But those four months were fantastic, and we became really close really quickly. I spent every day with her, and I was going through a tough time, and she really helped me out. She was the first person close to me that I lost to death. But mental health issues are scary things. It baffled me that somebody who appeared to love life and was so adventurous would choose to leave it so soon. I think about her frequently even though it's been ten years since I've seen her. 

Anyway, the reason I'm mentioning all of this is that I have always strived to be more like her, because I've never been very adventurous. I'm timid and shy and introverted, and I didn't used to be quite this bad with it. I still feel like I am not quite living my life. I spent my entire day yesterday IN BED because I was so hungover (I honestly didn't feel like I'd had all that much to drink, but I must've!) and I wasted what may have been a lovely Saturday. I waste so many days just pissing around and not doing what I should be doing. I want to get out there and DO SOMETHING. I'm only 25 and I should be having fun. My friend was one of those people that I always, always had fun with, that always had an idea, always wanted to go out, and lived her life to the fullest. She would be sad to see the fat, lazy person that I've become. So Zee, this is for you!

So I think I'm done with the alcohol thing. Just kind of done. I had fun on Friday and got to have a long chat with a coworker that I don't see much anymore and it was really nice. I'm having another little gathering this weekend, but I've already decided to not drink or eat garbage. I think my friends may be a little thrown off by that since we're celebrating my birthday, but I feel like I had my one big cheat day for September and I'm done. Also, I'm probably not supposed to drink on the medication I'm on. And one person who will be here can't drink, so I'll keep him company.

So, today is the first day of real birthday week and I'm going to make it a good one. I was going to have my actual birthday (Wednesday) be my first real "start day" but I'd rather just get back on track today because I am so anxious when I'm not on track. It's going to be sort of a tricky week because I have a lot of familial obligation stuff going on. Tonight I'm going to a cookout at my dad's, and I have no idea what he's making. I have leftover feta-basil-turkey burgers that I froze so I'm going to bring one. I also am supposed to go out for a birthday dinner at some point. I think I am going to have us go to The Weary Traveler as they have a lot of good vegetarian options and salad. AND, on Thursday my grandma is having a fish fry, which she does each year before she goes to Florida for the winter. So it'll be a challenging first week, but I can do it. Last fish fry I packed a delicious salad and then I just had a couple small pieces of fish as sort of garnish on it, and it worked out nicely. 

SUNDAY
Cookout at Dad's - turkey burger
Step aerobics, 63 minutes

MONDAY
Zesty garlic chicken wraps
Cardio kickbox, 25 mins

TUESDAY
Vegetarian pot pies
Frontside, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Out to dinner
Backside, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Fish fry - make a salad
Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY
Rice and beans (I keep intending to make this EVERY WEEK but then something throws me off!)
Rest day

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Walk/run/hike, depending on the weather, not sure how long…?

Goals I'd like to focus on for this "birthday challenge";

- water consumption - 64 oz/day - I was doing great with this for a while!
- 250 fitness minutes/wk
- Stay within calorie range 6/7 days of the week
- No alcohol 





Sunday, September 16, 2012

September 16th


I’ve been dreading writing this entry since yesterday morning. Because I knew it meant confessing once again that I screwed up. And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today about it.

I was doing fantastically this month. I worked out 12 consecutive days, and was at my lowest weight at the beginning of the week.

My exercise goal was 250 minutes and I only made it to about 190 because I just stopped. I sort of had a bit of a breakdown on Thursday night and I’m not sure exactly why. There are some external factors, a little bit of drama in my friends circle, but nothing that should have thrown me off like that.  Some of this stuff is too personal to go into on a public blog but I was in a pretty shitty place.

I had three entire bad days.

The scale rewarded me for it, too. I gained an entire six pounds. Six. In three days. I’m sure some of this is water weight. I know I can lose it again.

The amount of guilt and horribleness I felt yesterday is unparalleled to any other slip up I’ve had since I started this back in January. I can’t even describe how angry I was at myself. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was so deeply ashamed over this.  I have not felt that bad in a LONG time. I was catastrophizing everything.

So today… I got a good night’s sleep for the first time in several days and I had a blueberry breakfast smoothie and I left. I drove to Devil’s Lake by myself and did a short hike. I needed some fresh air and perspective. Devil’s Lake is a really important place to me. I’ve had the best conversations of my life there. I even had my first kiss there, 12 years ago. I had the best day of my life there. And every time I’m there I feel a lot more peaceful.

I did a lot of thinking about weight loss and happiness and friends today. I reached a few conclusions. Weight loss isn’t hard. It just takes dedication and commitment. A lot of both of those things, really. I started thinking about how badly I want this. Because I do think that I, as an able-bodied person without injuries or major health issues, am very able to lose weight and be healthy. VERY able. But it all comes down to values. Every time that I screw up, or I decide not to work out because I have a headache or I’m tired or I decide something else is more important, that’s a choice. There are no external factors here. This is all me.  When I choose to eat something shitty or to not work out, I am deciding, at that moment, that I want that food or that extra time more than I want to lose weight.

I’m so done with victimization. I’m so, so, so sick of it. From myself, from other people.  I am done with it. I did a lot of blaming of other people the past few days, people from my past that I felt screwed me up, that I partially blamed for my weight, and it’s so clear to me that this has nothing to do with them. This is ALL about choices I’ve made. All of it. I’m sick of blaming a lack of time or fatigue or illness on choosing not to work out. I choose to make time or not make time. I choose to stick to my schedule regardless of other factors or not stick to my schedule because “something came up.” I’m sick of excuses. I am out of patience for them. I just need to DO IT. I am capable of putting in the effort; I’ve proven that to myself before. Many times, really. I’ve consistently, albeit very slowly, been losing weight for 9 months. I can do it.

Here’s my menu plan and exercise plan for the week.

SUNDAY
Garlic chicken with broccoli
Hike @ Devil's Lake - 60 minutes

MONDAY
Light baked potato soup and salad
Cardio Kickbox, 25 minutes

TUESDAY
Feta basil turkey burgers and green beans
Frontside, 43 mins

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Brown rice and beans
Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY
Party
Rest Day

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Step aerobics, 63 minutes

Monday, September 10, 2012

In which I am awesome.

I feel great tonight.

I had sort of a restless, irritating day. Not bad, just feeling a little edgy, normal Monday feelings after a really great weekend. I was happy that I finally had a scheduled rest day after 9 days of working out without one.

But then I got home and I was watching my guilty pleasure, old episodes of The Biggest Loser, and I've said this before, but it seems so hard to watch that show and not work out at the same time. Especially because I ate about 150 calories over my range tonight.

(Also, I'd like to quickly interject here and say that besides the basic ridiculousness of the concept of The Biggest Loser, WHAT IS WITH THE PRODUCT PLACEMENT?! It reminds me of The Truman Show when they are so unbelievably blatant and ridiculous with products. Like it's an on-purpose joke. All the unhealthy crap they promote makes me really mad. But, whatever.)

Anyway, I know that if I felt like I really, truly needed it, or if I was really sore, then I would've taken my rest day. But I was feeling restless, so I decided to do a short but intense workout - my cardio kickboxing, which I haven't done in a while.

So I did that, and then felt like I could easily do more. So I did some basic stretching, some arm exercises with my resistance bands, 100 regular crunches and 100 bicycle crunches.

Not only did I hit a new low weight today (just .2 pounds down from yesterday, but I'll take it!) but I've reached almost 500 fitness minutes for the month already. I'm not planning on keeping that up, because I would no doubt burn myself out, but I just think that if I DID somehow keep that up, I could hit 1500 minutes in the month... which would be an average of a 50 minute workout EVERY DAY of the month. Part of me wonders if I could do that, if I incorporated less-intense workouts (walks) or longer medium-intensity workouts (hiking uphill). I'll see what the weather does, because often if I go to Devil's Lake or something I can easily hike for a couple hours and get in quite a few minutes. I'm going to stick to my goal of 1,000 minutes, though, because I don't think I've ever reached that before.

I also just sort of suddenly started seeing a difference in my arms and back. I don't know if it's just because I've been staring at my body a lot recently trying to find changes, but I definitely have more definition in my upper arms and, wow, I sort of have shoulder blades again!

Anyhow, time for bed. I always just like sharing when I'm in a good mood.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

September 9th


I wrote the majority of this blog post yesterday, and part of the post was that yesterday, I weighed in at the exact same weight I did the prior week. And I'd written that I was sort of okay with that because it was really the lowest weight I'd reached and maintained, and I was okay with maintaining.

Well, when I got up this morning I was just sort of having a "skinny day" where I didn't feel bloated (it's that time of the month, so that's sort of rare), and I weighed in for my official weigh-in, and… BOOYAH. I was shocked. I lost three pounds!!! I haven't lost that much in one week since the first couple months I started doing this!  I am SO EXCITED about this. I am now down 38.2 pounds - I'm close to that 40 pound mark!

As planned, I really pushed myself this week. I put a stronger focus on strength, and completed four circuit training workouts as part of my fitness minutes. My goal was to complete 250 fitness minutes, and… I did 333. I'm very happy with that! And I have almost 400 for the month so far, so I'm well on my way to reaching 1,000 for the month. I have worked out every day this month, and nothing wimpy, either. I mentioned that if I didn't feel like doing a hard workout that I'd just go for a walk, but I'm happy to say I didn't do that. I worked out HARD. In my circuit training I have been using heavier weights and doing quick sprints in between circuits, and I've been doing the advanced versions of all the moves. Yesterday, I did my 3.6 mile loop and it was a lot easier than last week but still hard. I shaved 3 minutes off of the loop, though. Not much, but I'll take it.

However, I didn't really meet my food goals. I think I really only stayed within my range 2 or 3 of the 7 days. But I didn't really overeat, either - no binges or anything like that, I just ate extra when I was hungry, maybe 200 extra calories. And mostly healthy food, too. I don't really count that as not meeting my goal, because of all the extra time I put into working out. I am wondering if I should adjust my calorie range again, but as I haven't been losing as much weight as I'd like, I should probably continue to try to stick to what I have already.

Let's see, other goals… I've been much better with water intake, reaching at least 64 oz each day. No alcohol. Flossed every day. So, not really shabby on anything else I set out to do this week. I did guided meditation once, but I just don't think I'm the meditating type. I try, but I just cannot focus.

As proud of myself as I was for hitting 333 fitness minutes this week, I don't think it's sustainable for me at this point. I WOULD like to hit 250, though. I think I can do that. I had an advantage this week because I didn't have to work on Monday because of Labor Day,  so I had time to work out. I usually work until 7:30 on Mondays and so I use it as a rest day. I used to schedule myself for a workout but I never once got up early enough to do it (I go in late to work on Monday since I stay late) and so I've just accepted that I am NOT a morning-workout person. Which is fine, if I find time to do it later.

My menu plan looks a little thin and boring this week, but I have some leftovers from tonight and I'm really trying to reduce my food waste… it's hard cooking for one.

I may replace one or more of these workouts with a run now that the weather is getting so much nicer. I think part of the reason my loop felt so much easier yesterday was because it was chilly out - right around 60 degrees. I can't wear shoe at the moment because I have some VICIOUS blisters on both my feet from yesterday (my shoes have blood all over the backs, which is not appealing…)

SUNDAY
Asian Noodle and Vegetable Salad
Step Aerobics, 63 minutes

MONDAY
Leftovers
Rest Day

TUESDAY
Ranch chicken tacos with lettuce and tomato
Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Backside circuit training, 53 minutes

THURSDAY
Beans and brown rice
Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes (and if I'm feeling SUPER ambitious, throw in 25 minutes of cardio kickboxing… but I probably won't!)

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Backside circuit training, 53 minutes

I'm off to Trader Joe's to pick up a few things, then it's time for step aerobics!


Sunday, September 2, 2012

Quick late-night update

I'm in love with September already.

I just wrote yesterday and don't have a whole lot to say today, but I like to share when I'm feeling good and looking forward to things, because I can look back when I feel like shit and realize that I'm capable of being positive, proactive, and happy.

I had a fantastic breakfast that I highly recommend now that I've tried it - half a cup of frozen blueberries, half of a banana (frozen is recommended but I used room temp and it was fine), a tablespoon of white chia seeds, 2 tablespoons of hemp protein powder, and a cup of vanilla almond milk. It was fantastic (and a gorgeous purple color!) and I think I will put together some little "smoothie packs" for the freezer so I can just throw them in the blender in the morning, add the almond milk and then be good to go. I did this for a little while with mixed frozen fruit for my green smoothies and it worked great, I didn't have to weigh out all my ingredients every morning.

I also picked up a giant unsweetened iced coffee from Starbucks and then spent much of the early afternoon helping my mom clear out her basement. I'd originally intended to go to Devil's Lake today, but got sucked into that instead. A lot of the junk down there is mine, and hopefully I burned a lot of calories taking bag after bag of junk upstairs and out to the curb.

My mom was nice enough to take me to a Thai place for lunch. I tried to be careful, but I'm having an impossible time trying to google an estimation for calories. I had tofu and lots of veggies in a "light brown sauce". I'm skipping dinner (this lunch was actually at like 3 pm, so it was sort of a combination) because I'm sure it had 1,000 or more calories in it, but I should still be in my range for the day. I tracked as best as I could.

I then had a really hard workout. The hardest I've done in a while, mainly because my feet were bleeding from blisters and it was really humid out. Did 3.6 miles of jogging (well, I walked on the uphill portions) and burned 575 calories. Not shabby. I felt pretty awful afterwards, though, I'm still sort of recovering. I always forget how hard that loop is because it's mainly just hills.

I'm getting excited for fall and pumpkin spice lattes and buying pumpkins for the patio and cooler weather and long sleeves. I hate winter, but fall is fantastic.

Oh, and I should mention that I'm back down to (a fully hydrated) 35.4 lbs lost, which is nice.

I'm going to have a small snack and then rest a bit. Tomorrow I'm going to a park with my friend and hopefully will get a bit of walking in along with the circuit training I have planned. If I stick with my workout plan for the week I may even reach 300 minutes this week. Gotta keep this going.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

September!

Well, I'm back, and feeling good.

I had a pretty crappy week. In addition to being sick and not working out ALL week, and dealing with a heavy workload after missing so much work (which luckily turned out to be totally doable, but I was stressed for a bit there), I had a lot on my mind. Things are better now. I had a weird week with eating/not eating; although I was feeling better, I still had no appetite and every single thing I could think to eat disgusted me. But I still feel like I went over my calories, but I wasn't tracking and I didn't work out at all. Yesterday was the first day that I was feeling sort of normal and today I feel a lot better.

I didn't gain a lot of weight, luckily. I'd reached the 36 lb mark when I was sick and now I'm back up to the 33.6 lbs lost mark. Disappointing, but after a week without working out, I couldn't expect too differently.

I have big plans for September. Moreso than I think I've ever had. I'm going big this month. I do so well when I stick to the plan and then I feel so good and I do something to derail it and then I feel AWFUL. So, go big or go home, I guess.

I'm upping my minimum weekly fitness minutes to 250. I want to reach 1,000 in September. If I don't feel like working out, then I think I'll go for a walk. I don't usually do low-key exercise, and I should. If I'm not working in zone 3 of my heart rate monitor, I don't even feel like it's a workout. But that means that on my rest days I don't do anything - no walking, nothing. I'm also doing more strength training; I know that you're supposed to do at least 2 sessions a week. I've been doing 2 sessions but not the same muscles so I'm doing the frontside and backside, each twice a week. I'm going to do this only for the first week to see if it's doable. I don't see why it wouldn't be.

Secondly, my cholesterol is just over the normal range. I don't eat a lot of meat, but I do eat a lot of animal products - eggs and cheese mainly. When I've been not feeling great this past week, for some reason the idea of eggs disgusted me, and I haven't been eating them for breakfast as usual. I used to have an egg every single day. I need to find alternative breakfasts.

So at the store today I got some fruit, cottage cheese, yogurt (I don't normally eat it because of the fake sugar in it and all the preservatives and crap, but I got a good greek yogurt with blueberries and no artificial sweeteners) and some good smoothie ingredients. I love making green smoothies but they don't keep me full for long because all I put in them are greens, fruit and fruit juice. I found a recipe for a blueberry breakfast smoothie and picked up some almond milk, white chia seeds and hemp protein powder. I'm excited to try it once my bananas ripen. I will probably still have an egg a couple times a week because it's a great source of protein and vitamins, but I don't need to have one every day.

Other goals for September:

-- Stay within my calorie range 6 out of 7 days each week

-- Track every bite of food - no estimating at the end of the evening

-- Zero alcohol, with the exception of two birthday celebrations I'm planning

-- Exercise 1,000 minutes in September, or an average of 250 minutes/wk. Also, on a related note, do at least 10 minutes of fitness a day (even on rest days.) This can be a quick jog around the block or a segment from a workout DVD.

-- Floss every day!

-- Do something good for my well-being each day (guided meditations online, yoga, something creative like poetry or painting, or simply watching something inspiring like slam poetry)

-- Focus more on water consumption - and get at least 64 oz/day.

I spent a lot of money at the grocery store today, but it was on good stuff that should last, so I'm pretty excited about it. I had a good long chat with my friend from out of town who is coming to visit me for the first time in a long time next weekend, and I did my step aerobics today and burned 533 calories according to my HRM. It was HARD today, I can always tell when I've gone a few days without working out because my endurance tanks. I made a delicious dinner of Thai Chicken Salad Wraps. I don't share a lot of recipes on this blog, but this one is so good and SO easy that I feel like I should. I managed to finally find some good spinach tortillas without hydrogenated oils and I love these damn things. The recipe is here.  I added chopped bell pepper too and some crunchy chow mein noodles.

SUNDAY
Leftovers (Thai chicken salad wraps)
Hike @ Devil's Lake (or if I end up not going, a walk/jog here)

MONDAY
Vegan coconut curry soup
Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes

TUESDAY
Seed-coated chicken with broccoli
Backside circuit training, 53 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Spark Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

THURSDAY
Wild rice casserole
Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Backside circuit training, 53 minutes

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Step aerobics, 63 minutes



Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Frustration

Well, a wrench has been thrown in my fitness plans, which is always irritating and makes me really unhappy and anxious.

I felt fine until Sunday night when some imaginary knife started stabbing me in the stomach, which continued throughout the night, accompanied by lovely vomiting and a hundred other terrible stomachy symptoms.

Much of yesterday was spent in a frenzy trying to find a comfortable position to lay in and self-diagnosing on WebMD which I'm sure is the medical field's biggest pain in the ass. Several symptoms pointed toward appendicitis, which of course freaked me out, so I consulted my friend who had his appendix out a few weeks ago, who asked me a bunch of questions and concluded that it may be that. I decided if it didn't get any better or if it got worse I'd go to urgent care today.

Anyway, I highly doubt it's that as I'm finally getting better, not worse. I'm only in pain when I move around. I'm guessing it's gastritis again, which can have similar symptoms. I'm just really tired.

I haven't worked out in three days, though. I'm regretting not working out on Sunday during the day when I was feeling fine.  I can walk around okay now, but jumping or running is out of the question. I made a tiny venture out of the house yesterday because my mom is out of town for a couple days and wanted me to cat-sit. It totally exhausted me, just scooping the litter box, so... I'm HOPING I will feel well enough to work out tomorrow, but I don't think I will be. Uggh.

The only positive thing to come out of the situation is that I've lost weight due to dehydration and a complete loss of appetite. I'm down 36 pounds, though I know the loss won't stick once I start eating again. I'm trying to re-introduce food and my body isn't a huge fan. Currently drinking a tiny green smoothie and a piece of toast and hoping that will make me feel slightly less weak.

It's just killing me that when I go on SparkPeople, it says my weekly fitness minutes are at zero. ZERO!

If I get the courage, I might push this issue with my doctor when I see her on Friday (for something unrelated). I told her that I frequently got sick and she really didn't see all that concerned about it. But this can't continue. I've only had this particular set of symptoms twice (and I don't remember the first time being as bad as this) but it can't be good. I just don't want to have to go through a bunch of tests because I can't afford it. I have insurance, but even a normal yearly physical (which I thought was fully covered, silly me) cost me $85 and I am really pinching pennies right now.

Well, gonna lay down again. SO FRUSTRATED!!!

Sunday, August 26, 2012

August 26th

I was doing so well. Feeling really good. I went and ruined it yesterday.

I had a great workout and was having a great day. Then I got some bad news. And, long story short, I didn't handle it well and I drank and ate a lot.

Today is a new day. And the start of a new week.

I gained 3 pounds over night after being so excited to have finally hit that 35 lbs mark. I know it won't stay, but I'm disappointed.

I'm taking a rest day today because I didn't get anything done yesterday that I wanted to get done, including going to the grocery store, which I did today.

Good thing is I did reach 250 fitness minutes last week.

Here's my menu plan and workout plan for the week.

SUNDAY
Baked crisp chicken burritos
Rest day

MONDAY
Chinese Chicken Salad
Cardio Kickbox, 25 mins

TUESDAY
Beef and broccoli
Spark Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Step Aerobics, 63 minutes

THURSDAY
Cali BLT
Rest Day

FRIDAY
Salad Wrap
Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes

SATURDAY
Decide next week
Backside circuit training, 53 minutes


Saturday, August 25, 2012

35!

I finally, finally, FINALLY reached the 35 lb mark today!

I kept getting really close and then gaining.

I've worked hard the past couple weeks and resisted a lot of temptations so I'm happy to have finally reached this.

Starting the day with a good breakfast and then I'll do an hour of circuit training and a trip to the grocery store.

Hoping to weigh even less tomorrow on my official weigh-in day!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

booyah

Who just burned 300 calories doing a workout on her *rest day*?
This girl.

I've racked up 150 fitness minutes so far this week...
I might try to hit 300 by the end of the week. Not sure I've done that before this year. I probably won't get there, but I can hit 250, easy.

This all feels pretty good.

I'm feeling inspired lately.

Also, this is TMI, but I think I'm at that point where I should be PMSing pretty hardcore, and... I feel fine. I know the medication my doctor gave me is supposed to help with PMDD, so who knows? I don't want to undermine other people's experiences with PMDD by thinking I may have it (one of my big pet peeves working in the mental health field!) but now I'm wondering.

I track my moods each day on a scale of 1-10 (usually I give myself a range, like 3-4 or 5-6) and I haven't dropped below a 5 in a week and a half. 3s and 4s littered early August, but every day since then has been 5-6 or 5-7 or 6-7.

So... bring it.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

quick mid-week positivity

I'm going to try to be more positive in this blog, so I can look back and congratulate myself on all the tiny, tiny victories I've had.

Tonight was one of them. I was kind of annoyed because I'd gained two pounds over the past couple days. I ate way too much on Sunday night, several hundred calories above my range, but I'd had such a hard workout and the dinner I made was so delicious.

So I was a bit frustrated with the gain, I'm SO CLOSE to the 35-lb mark and I just keep hovering around the same 3 pounds.

Work was busy today and I came home tired, and was just sitting on my couch doing nothing after I ate dinner. I really wanted some wine, and almost considered getting some, but the thought flew away pretty quickly - I've done so well with sticking to my no-alcohol rule and I want to keep it that way (I am going to allow myself to indulge after my 21 day challenge is over!)  I went over my calories by about 50 or so today (I had a BIG dinner) and was just sort of being lazy. I had planned to do a 35-minute workout that generally burns 250-350 calories depending on the day, according to my heart rate monitor. But I was watching The Biggest Loser (a very guilty pleasure for me -- I'm not a reality TV fan and I hate the entire premise of TBL, but man, put something on Netflix Instant and I'll watch it!) Anyway, it's hard to sit and watch TBL without feeling guilty for sitting on the couch. I've felt a little defeated the past few days because I've pretty much gone over my calories every single day. Not by a lot, but I've been slacking. And my body has been responding to that. I know I can't be eating the same amount of calories I did when I was 35 pounds heavier. But it's hard to keep cutting back.

So I got off my ass and instead of my 35-minute, easier workout, I did my hardest DVD - my hour long step aerobics (which I skipped on Sunday, my normal day to do it, cuz I went running instead). My stupid heart rate monitor was being a brat and gave out 20 minutes in so I don't know how many calories I burned, but I've never in my life burned less than 500 doing that workout, so... woohoo.

So I avoided the wine temptation after a tiring day, had a great workout, drank lots of water (I've been eating too much salt recently, too) and now I feel better and more energized (not great, since it's 10:30 pm right now.) I was SO sore from my run on Sunday, but after warming up for step aerobics today, I got through it just fine and stretched properly afterwards, and hopefully I won't be as sore tomorrow. (That run I did was the hardest workout I've done in a long time, and I did NOT cool down or stretch properly after because I thought I was going to puke and I basically just collapsed in a chair with a bottle of water.)

I want to write when I do crap like this. I don't write about small successes often, except maybe mention it on my weekly Sunday post. But I want to have a bit of motivation and inspiration for myself, because I have these days often. I'd be a lot lighter now if I'd found a way before to avoid the temptation of relaxing with booze (a Friday night ritual for me my last two years of college) and instead had worked out and watched or read something inspiring. So I just want to be able to look back and remind myself to do something proactive instead of passive, to do something hard instead of something easy.

Also, although I HATE winter and I hate that it's getting darker and darker earlier and earlier, I'm sort of pumped for fall. I definitely want to get out and run more. I tend to do a lot more of that in the fall and spring and I avoid it completely in summer. Last year I ended up being able to run 2 miles without stopping which I'd never done before in my entire life, even as a kid. I don't know if I could do that on flat surface right now or not, since I only run on a really hilly route. I think I could do it on a treadmill, but running on real ground is a LOT harder. I might try it this weekend - going on a flat route - and just see what I can do.

Thazall!





Sunday, August 19, 2012

August 19th


This may be a bit longer than my usual updates, because I have a lot to say this week, and a lot to brag about.

I had a pretty great week - emotionally, and health-wise. I was dreading coming back to work after my vacation, but it turned out I actually missed my coworkers and the routine of going to work. Don't get me wrong, I'd take vacation ANY day, but I was starting to feel anxious and unproductive.

I did well every single day this week. I did go over my calories a couple times, but only by 100-200 or so, and I allow myself to do that when I'm legitimately hungry, particularly if I've worked out that day. I'd like to stop eating after a certain time at night, and I'd like to also eat more during the day. I know that optimally breakfast should be the biggest meal, followed by lunch and then dinner, but I've always done the exact opposite. I've always wanted to change this, but I've never really liked eating a bigger breakfast and a smaller dinner, so ... who knows if I'll really make a legitimate effort to change that. I just probably shouldn't be eating the majority of my daily calories in the 2nd half of the day.

I did skip one workout - a 43-minute circuit training workout - and so I only reached my bare minimum of 175 minutes for the week. I am completely forgiving myself for that, though, and here's why...

I had a major blast of willpower this weekend. Friday was the day I was scheduled to do my circuit training workout. It was also the day that I knew I'd be going out to a bar with my coworkers after work. I planned to stay at the bar for a couple hours, since I knew due to my 21-day challenge that I shouldn't drink, and every time I go there I end up indulging in greasy bar food. So to plan ahead, knowing I'd be hungry, I packed some raw vegetables, and ate them with some coffee and water before I headed out of work.  Well, the two hours I planned on staying ended up being six hours. And I am very proud to say that with the exception of one, single, lone delicious French fry and a couple sips of drinks that people wanted me to try, I stuck to water - nothing else. I felt a little odd because I really didn't want to go into the reason WHY I wasn't eating or drinking anything, because I don't like to broadcast my weight loss plans, but they finally gave up trying to get me to order a drink eventually and I had a total blast. I had a ton of fun and didn't need to worry about driving or finding a way home, and I had the option of being a DD for anyone who needed it (which I almost did, but they ended up going to another bar.)

I got home around 11 at night and I ate the dinner I'd planned - a really delicious turkey burger - and went to bed. The best part, I woke up without any guilt, and without any semblance of a hangover. I did skip my workout, since it was late when I got home, but I don't mind. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be - I usually have fairly good willpower, and I'm fine with declining sweets and other stuff, but when I don't have anything else to eat, and everyone around me is drinking, it's hard to keep from partaking.

Then, Saturday came around. A few years ago, we lost a good friend of mine, and Saturday would've been her birthday. A few of us get together each year to hang out and spend some time together. Two of my friends and I went out to a bar. I planned ahead and ate a pretty big dinner beforehand. And again, I had a ton of fun, and was DD for the two friends I was with. It was a bit easier this time as we didn't go out until much later and I'd already eaten dinner, and I had the good excuse of being the driver to not partake. It was still difficult, though, as I am always sad on her birthday, and it was definitely tempting.

Anyway, it doesn't sound like a lot, but these kind of events are the places where I tend to lose my fairly decent willpower, I've given in every other time.

I've been rewarded for my efforts this week. Today, I am 2.4 pounds lighter than I was last week. Yesterday I hit my lowest weight again - I'd reached it a couple weeks ago but gained some back. I'm .4 lbs heavier today than I was yesterday, but I am SO CLOSE to reaching my 35 lbs lost mark.

As I mentioned, emotionally I've been a lot better this week. I am really hoping that my medication is working. Every few weeks I just have a really good week for whatever reason, and this time, I'm hoping it's related. It's supposed to take 4-6 weeks to work, and I just finished 4 weeks on it. I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple weeks to discuss it. I haven't had any problems with it like I did the first couple weeks, so that's good too.

I did a killer workout today that my legs are still jiggly from. 3.6 mile walk/jog. I haven't done it in a long time but I've kept my (little) endurance. The route I do is just so HILLY! There are only a couple blocks that are flat, and depending on how I'm feeling, I either walk/jog them. I jog on all the downhills and walk on the uphills. According to my heart rate monitor, I burned over 600 calories doing that today!

Here's my menu/workout plan for this week.


SUNDAY
Baked Crisp Chicken Burritos
Walk/jog, 53 minutes

MONDAY
Leftovers
Rest day

TUESDAY
Feta-basil turkey burgers
Spark Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

WEDNESDAY
Spinach, mushroom, and ricotta stuffed shells
Rest day

THURSDAY
Leftovers
Cardio Kickbox, 25 minutes

FRIDAY
Spicy baked falafel
Frontisde circuit training, 43 minutes

SATURDAY
decide next week
Backside circuit training, 53 minutes




Sunday, August 12, 2012

August 12

I'm sad to say the second half of my week wasn't as productive or healthy as I'd wanted. I've gained two pounds since my mid-week entry, making my grand total lost 32 lbs instead of 34. I'm pretty disappointed in myself, because it's all stuff I could have prevented.

I only eked out 187 fitness minutes this week, and while that does meet my minimum of 175 that I like to reach each week, I had planned on doing a LOT more, since I had the entire week off. I did drink one night, fairly heavily, with a friend of mine, and while I had a ton of fun with her, I have felt kind of awful ever since. I skipped a workout because I was hungover and spent an entire vacation day just watching TV on my couch, which made me feel really guilty. It also rained for two days. And what I SHOULD have done was nixed my original workout plan (which would have been on a muddy, messy trail) and instead done a rainy jog on the concrete (which I actually love doing, my fastest runs are always in the rain!) OR just done an indoor workout. Instead, I didn't.

I then had some crappy stuff happen involving a different friend of mine and my anxiety has been incredibly high ever since. I've had a lot of trouble sleeping, moreso than usual.

After feeling so crappy about drinking I decided to commit to another 21-day challenge of no alcohol at all, not even cooking with it. That'll take me through the end of August. I think it really screws with my emotions, as well as being generally a toxic substance. I kind of picked a funny time to do it, because on Friday I ended up going to a brewery with my dad, and they make my favorite beer in the world, and I didn't even have a taste of it. Then yesterday was a family reunion, and every other single person (aside from my mom, and my younger cousin, who is 17) was downing beer after beer or glass of wine after glass of wine. I was there for nearly 8 hours, and at some points was bored out of my wits (some of my older relatives are hardcore bigots and it brews up a lot of anger in me) and at one point I actually literally reached my hand into the cooler to get a beer, but then got a diet Coke instead. Still not a healthy option by any means, but that would've been a really pathetic end to a 21-day challenge.

The family reunion was a bit of a disaster diet-wise which is why I think the two pounds I gained are probably here to stay for a bit. Usually I am really good in these situations and I stick to the fruit and veg tray with very minimal dip and some healthy sides, but I went all-out and got a burger from the grill. I also indulged in my favorite potato salad from Jacobson's. Tortilla chips and guac, too. I still ate less than I would have a year ago, and still had a lot of veg, but I didn't even try to track it because I knew it would be a disaster.

Back to it today, though. Made it to the grocery store and did my step aerobics workout. Things always look better after that workout. I burned 584 calories doing it today. I keep thinking that workout will gradually get easy, but it never does. Nothing else I do burns that many calories except running.

I'd like to keep a more positive outlook, so I will say this: when I read over this blog, it's generally the same story each week. I screwed up once or twice. But nearly every Sunday, I am right back up there, doing my hardest workout, eating healthily and re-committing. Sure, my re-committing doesn't always amount to a whole lot. But I've lost 32 lbs so I'm doing something right. I'm really aiming for that 35 lbs lost mark - I was only .2 pounds away from it at one point this week, so I know it's there!

Here's my plan for the week. I'm only planning four meals because I've found that I've ended up with way too many leftovers recently and I can't afford to keep doing that, financially. I think I'm going out with some coworkers on Friday so I may eat wherever we go and another day I may be getting falafel from a food cart so ... this is flexible.


SUNDAY
Almond-crusted chicken and broccoli
(this actually ended up being sunflower-seed crusted chicken with broccoli because the grocery store I went to today didn't have the right kind of almonds - it was super delicious!)
Step Aerobics, 63 minutes

MONDAY
Spinach and artichoke stuffed mushrooms
Rest day

TUESDAY
California BLT with tomato and avocado
Spark Cardio Blast, 35 mins

WEDNESDAY
Leftovers
Rest day

THURSDAY
Feta and Basil Turkey Burgers with snap peas
Cardio Kickbox, 25 mins

FRIDAY
Leftovers
Frontside, 43 mins

SATURDAY
Leftovers or decide next week
Backside, 53 mins