Sunday, September 23, 2012

September 23rd

I had an odd week! In regard to food and exercise it was ridiculously bad. Oh man. My heart was SO not in it this week. I mentioned in my last entry that I'd gained six pounds - well, in the first half of the week I dropped 5, and then I went right back up and gained 6 back. Kind of ridiculous. I was trying really hard to not let myself slip but I could not get rid of my all-or-nothing thinking. Basically, I knew I was having a little get-together and I'd given myself permission to drink and to eat total shit, and I did. But knowing that I had that permission -- I started slacking off on Wednesday. My goal was to have ONE bad night - Friday - and just be good the rest of the week. Well, I didn't. I did well through Tuesday and then stopped. I only got 120 fitness minutes in. So I know I'm not going to reach the 1,000 minutes I'd wanted for September, but I have full faith I can do it in October!

I'm gonna get a little more personal in this entry than I usually do, and I have mixed feelings about that, because I try to be somewhat of a sort of private person online, but whatever. I've been thinking a lot about an old friend of mine that shared the same birthday as me, one year apart - she would've been 27 this Wednesday, but she passed away when I was 16. It used to make my birthdays kind of terrible, but I've sort of made peace with it now. I think about her a lot because she was a wonderful, brave, adventurous girl. The odd thing about our friendship was that it only lasted four months. She came into my life quickly and left quickly. But those four months were fantastic, and we became really close really quickly. I spent every day with her, and I was going through a tough time, and she really helped me out. She was the first person close to me that I lost to death. But mental health issues are scary things. It baffled me that somebody who appeared to love life and was so adventurous would choose to leave it so soon. I think about her frequently even though it's been ten years since I've seen her. 

Anyway, the reason I'm mentioning all of this is that I have always strived to be more like her, because I've never been very adventurous. I'm timid and shy and introverted, and I didn't used to be quite this bad with it. I still feel like I am not quite living my life. I spent my entire day yesterday IN BED because I was so hungover (I honestly didn't feel like I'd had all that much to drink, but I must've!) and I wasted what may have been a lovely Saturday. I waste so many days just pissing around and not doing what I should be doing. I want to get out there and DO SOMETHING. I'm only 25 and I should be having fun. My friend was one of those people that I always, always had fun with, that always had an idea, always wanted to go out, and lived her life to the fullest. She would be sad to see the fat, lazy person that I've become. So Zee, this is for you!

So I think I'm done with the alcohol thing. Just kind of done. I had fun on Friday and got to have a long chat with a coworker that I don't see much anymore and it was really nice. I'm having another little gathering this weekend, but I've already decided to not drink or eat garbage. I think my friends may be a little thrown off by that since we're celebrating my birthday, but I feel like I had my one big cheat day for September and I'm done. Also, I'm probably not supposed to drink on the medication I'm on. And one person who will be here can't drink, so I'll keep him company.

So, today is the first day of real birthday week and I'm going to make it a good one. I was going to have my actual birthday (Wednesday) be my first real "start day" but I'd rather just get back on track today because I am so anxious when I'm not on track. It's going to be sort of a tricky week because I have a lot of familial obligation stuff going on. Tonight I'm going to a cookout at my dad's, and I have no idea what he's making. I have leftover feta-basil-turkey burgers that I froze so I'm going to bring one. I also am supposed to go out for a birthday dinner at some point. I think I am going to have us go to The Weary Traveler as they have a lot of good vegetarian options and salad. AND, on Thursday my grandma is having a fish fry, which she does each year before she goes to Florida for the winter. So it'll be a challenging first week, but I can do it. Last fish fry I packed a delicious salad and then I just had a couple small pieces of fish as sort of garnish on it, and it worked out nicely. 

Cookout at Dad's - turkey burger
Step aerobics, 63 minutes

Zesty garlic chicken wraps
Cardio kickbox, 25 mins

Vegetarian pot pies
Frontside, 43 minutes

Out to dinner
Backside, 53 minutes

Fish fry - make a salad
Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

Rice and beans (I keep intending to make this EVERY WEEK but then something throws me off!)
Rest day

Decide next week
Walk/run/hike, depending on the weather, not sure how long…?

Goals I'd like to focus on for this "birthday challenge";

- water consumption - 64 oz/day - I was doing great with this for a while!
- 250 fitness minutes/wk
- Stay within calorie range 6/7 days of the week
- No alcohol 

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