July 29th

I didn’t end up doing my normal Sunday update last night as I sort of had a busy day and ran out of time.

My week was ok, but really not fantastic. The first half was really tough. The medication my doctor put me on has some seriously unpleasant side effects. General nausea and stomach distress has been the worst one, but I’m also having some insomnia (and therefore fatigue), sweating, anxiety, etc. I think it’s getting a little better. She said the first couple weeks were going to be rough, so I’m staying on it and just hoping it gets better.

I was quite shy of my 175-minute-minimum exercise goal this week. I only made it to 125. 

My weight went up and down pretty intensely but I’m pretty much back where I started at the beginning of the week, though yesterday I was up 4.5 lbs overnight! Yikes.

One more week of work and then I have a week off for vacation. It could not be coming at a better time. I am really frustrated with work and I need a break. I have a list of stuff I want to do on my break, but currently I'm not super enthused since I feel so crappy. 

I did manage to do my hard workout yesterday, my step aerobics, despite extreme fatigue and it was actually pretty easy, so I don’t really get that. Usually I burn about 600 calories doing it but yesterday I only burned 500. Not sure why that is. Here’s my menu/exercise plan for the week.

SUNDAY

Bimimbop (vegetables, tofu, and rice)

Step aerobics, 63 minutes

MONDAY

Thai chicken salad wraps

Rest day (late day @ work)

TUESDAY

Grilled vegetable sandwiches with fresh mozzarella

Spark Cardio Blast, 35 mins

WEDNESDAY

Leftovers

Rest day

THURSDAY

Baked falafel with pita and tomato and cucumber

Cardio Kickbox, 25 mins

FRIDAY

Baked potato with broccoli and pepperjack

Frontside strength training, 40 minutes


SATURDAY

Decide next wk

Backside strength training, 50 minutes

July 22nd

Um… I don't even want to talk about the past week. I did terribly which was really disappointing after having such a good first two weeks of the month here. I wrote in my locked journal about this crap already, so I'm just gonna move on here. I'm doing better today, was pretty productive, and did my step aerobics, but my anxiety is through the roof. I did get some medication when I went to the doctor last week, but it's going to take a month before I'd see any difference.

I managed to not gain any weight but I'm guessing it's partly because I'm dehydrated.

Here's my menu plan/exercise plan for the week. Here's hoping it's a better one.

SUNDAY

No-bake summer lasagna with tomatoes, ricotta, basil, and zucchini

Step aerobics, 63 mins

MONDAY

Stir-fried chicken and green beans with spicy orange sauce

Rest Day

TUESDAY

Artichoke, spinach, and goat-cheese stuffed mushrooms

Spark Cardio Blast, 35 mins

WEDNESDAY

Leftovers or something elsewhere

Rest Day

THURSDAY

Spicy baked falafel, in pitas with tomato and greek yogurt

Cardio Kickbox, 25 mins

FRIDAY

Pinto Bean Nachos with tomatoes and avocado

Frontside, 40 mins

SATURDAY

Not sure - will decide next week 

Backside, 50 mins

July 15th

This week was okay. Not quite as marvelous as the first week of July. My weekend, however, has been lovely. I've been productive and busy. 

Work was kinda irritating this week and I have been exhausted again! I've been sleeping well, for the most part, so I'm not sure why. My caffeine addiction is spiraling out of control… I've come to making coffee in the afternoons/early evenings. I'm up to about 48 oz of coffee a day. Not great. 

I did pretty well this week. Got in 209 minutes of exercise. My eating could have been better. No binges, no alcohol. But I didn't lose any weight, and I might know why. I've been consistently over my calories. Not by much. Usually only 50-100. But I've also been eating more fat than usual, because I'm obsessed with almonds. By the end of the evening, I've basically tracked all my food for the day, and then I know roughly how many calories I can still eat, so I just tried to estimate a serving of a snack or nibble on little things here and there, without weighing out my servings. I've gotten really good at eyeing out portion sizes, but I think those last few bites of the day that I'm not necessarily tracking properly might be affecting me. I think I've just been thinking that as long as I'm working out consistently, which I am, that I can spare those extra calories. Probably not so. My BMR is roughly 1,750 calories so I figure that as long as I stay under that, I should be losing weight since I'm also working out. 

I'm going to try to eat less fat this week and see if that makes any difference. Usually I'm still within range for all my macronutrients, but I'm lower on the protein side and higher on the fat and carb side. 

Managed to squeeze in some creativity this week with some poetry and book writing. 

I'm getting excited for my week off in August. I may or may not make a trip to Minneapolis, haven't decided yet. I do think I'll make a trip or two to Devil's Lake to go hiking, if there are any days where it's not a billion degrees. Might go to Chicago. Not sure exactly what I'll do yet, but I want to do SOMETHING. I'm pretty broke these days so we'll see how much gas $$ I can afford.

I have a friend visiting so I'm gonna keep this short. Here's my menu plan and exercise plan for this coming week.

SUNDAY

Honey Cashew Chicken with bell pepper, broccoli, and edamame

Step Aerobics, 63 minutes

MONDAY

Caprese sandwich (toasted bread, fresh tomatoes, mozzarella, greens)

Rest day

TUESDAY

Leftovers

Backside circuit training, 50 minutes

WEDNESDAY

Jimmy John's vegetarian sub

Rest day

THURSDAY

Falafel with chopped salad, rice, and pita (takeout from a local food cart)

Spark Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

FRIDAY

Vegetable no-bake summer lasagna 

Cardio kickbox, 25 minutes 

SATURDAY

Mushrooms stuffed with artichoke and spinach

Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes

Week of July 8th

What a difference a week makes… I feel like a totally different person. 

Two weeks ago I felt terrible, achy, nauseous, headachy. I wasn't sleeping right. I was depressed and anxious, and mostly just plain irritable. I know I can blame at least half of this on PMS, which I get pretty strongly (and never really knew until I started tracking my horrible moods.) 

This whole week, particularly this weekend, I have felt fantastic. Better than I've felt in a LONG time. I'm sleeping like a baby. I feel positive. I worked out five days this week, for a total of 222 fitness minutes. I ate very well. I didn't stay within my calories every day, but I listened to my body and ate when I was actually seriously hungry, and when I did go over my calorie allotment, it was only by about 50-100 calories. No binges. No alcohol. (Which is why I haven't any binges, I guess. I have such good self control when booze isn't involved!) When I went grocery shopping yesterday, I realized that I'd eaten every bit of produce that I'd purchased last week. 

Today my step aerobics workout just felt fantastic. I almost didn't do it because I was really sore from yesterday's circuit training workout and it's such a time suck (an hour) but I did it anyway and I'm so glad I did. It wasn't even that hard, but I burned 590 calories doing it. So worth it… it always is.

Haven't done a whole lot creativity-wise but I did have a fantastic night last night just working on my book. It cooled down considerably and I hadn't been outside for so long because of the heat wave, so I took my laptop out to the patio and listened to my headphones and wrote. It was really nice.

I'm excited to cook dinner tonight, I'm making a really simple pizza with whole-wheat dough, pesto, tomatoes, and fresh basil from my herb garden. I will probably roast some broccoli to go with it because I bought the pre-cut kind and that doesn't last very long.

Today I am 2.5 pounds lighter than I was last Sunday. For a total of 30.8 lbs lost so far. Here's my menu/exercise plan for this week. It's good to be back.

SUNDAY

White pizza with tomato and basil

Step aerobics, 63 mins

MONDAY

Veggie and Rice Burritos 

Cardio kickbox, 25 mins (morning workout)

TUESDAY

Leftovers

Cardio Blast, 35 minutes

WEDNESDAY

Jimmy John’s vegetarian sub

Rest day

THURSDAY

Thai Crunch Wrap with Chicken and Peanut Sauce

Gold’s Gym boxing, 40 minutes

FRIDAY

Teriyaki Tofu and Pineapple kebabs

Rest day

SATURDAY

Cashew Chicken and bell peppers

Frontside circuit training, 43 minutes

Mid-week update + progress pics

Thirty pounds gone!

I am really excited about stuff today.

I’ve had a great week so far. I really needed this – a fresh start, new goals, recommittment. That’s really all health is, I think… recommitting.  In the past, my biggest challenge has been my all-or-nothing attitude, the idea that if I have a couple bad days that I have to follow that with a couple bad weeks.  Why on earth do I do that to myself?!

As of today, I’ve lost 30 pounds this year. I finally hit that mark!

I still have a long way to go, but I’m happy today.

I was just briefly skimming old entries in this blog and I realized today that I have never stayed committed to a “program” for this long, nor have I lost this much weight. My junior year of high school, I lost about 28 pounds (but I didn’t have as much to lose back then) but I don’t think I ever got to that 30 lb mark. I stopped going to the gym after that, and I gained a lot of it back my senior year, and then I went to college and that was the end of any sort of healthiness.

I started and restarted my healthy eating all throughout college. Mostly I did okay., during the week. But then weekends came about and I drank myself silly and ate mounds of greasy Chinese and snacks at the bars. Part of me doesn’t regret this; I had fun. But I overdid everything. It was hard for me in school because I never had a car and it took me 3 hours to go grocery shopping with the bus system. So I didn’t get to stock up on fresh produce every week like I can now.

I realized today that if I don’t do this now, I never will. I’m as young as I will ever be. I’m single and I live by myself.  My social life is practically non-existent. I have access to grocery stores and enough money to buy good food. I’m not in school anymore, so I have no studying or homework. Basically, I come home from work and I have several hours to do whatever the hell I want. I’m an hourly employee, so I never get to work overtime, so I’m home by 5:15 or 5:30 every single day of the week.  I’m learning how to like my job, when before I just couldn’t manage it emotionally. What kind of excuse could I possibly have for not getting this shit done NOW?

I feel great this week. My body is so much happier with me. I’m avoiding alcohol like the poison that it is, and that has helped – I feel like even when I just have one drink, it disrupts my sleep and makes me feel like crap.  I’ve decided I’m not going to have a single drink in July, regardless of temptation or where I am. I’m not going to use social outings as an excuse to drink because I will undoubtedly start eating like shit. I think my job in the past few months has been helping with the majorly decreased alcohol use, in that I can see before my eyes, every single day, how much substance abuse costs. So many people whose entire lives are just torn apart by this. I think that can be hard to see when you’re a relatively healthy college student trying to de-stress from the week. When I was doing my internship at a rape crisis center (also working a paying job and being a full time college student and club involvement), I bought a bottle of booze and a Subway sandwich every single Friday night after I was done with my shift, and if I didn’t have other plans, would just sit there and watch TV and drink and try to forget about the week.  What a crappy way to live!

I’ve been sleeping beautifully despite my neighbor never sleeping. I had a friend over last night and she drank quite a bit but I just enjoyed the beautiful evening and listened to the fireworks and just had a great time.  I have tried to be more aware of the healthiness of my food lately. My meals themselves are pretty healthy – it’s the snacking that gets to me sometimes. I buy those Food Should Taste Good tortilla chips that try to trick you into thinking they’re healthier by their packaging, but I know that they’re still junk food. Same with my Kashi crackers and granola bars. I’m trying to focus more on whole foods. I’m probably still going to buy those “healthier” tortilla chips because otherwise I feel like I will just keep having cravings.

Summer is lovely because of the produce. My mom’s growing raspberries so I’ve been eating a lot more fruit. I love most veggies but I am not usually a raw fruit person because I don’t like tartness. But I’ve been eating tons of various berries this week  and they’re so good as an after-dinner dessert. I also am just happier in the summer, even when it’s really fricking hot, which it is right now… I need sunshine and daylight. Winter is usually pretty awful for me. I love these long days, and NO DAMN SNOW.

I took some progress pics today. These are from my beginning weight vs today (down 30 lbs.)  I’m wearing different shorts in the ones I took today but the top is the same. The 2nd and 3rd pics were taken today. The 1st pic was taken January 1st of this year.

I’d taken some pics at about 20 lbs down and hadn't noticed much of a difference at all, but I can see the difference at 30 lbs. I have a long ways to go, and I do think the 2nd and 3rd pics are flattering (I look a lot bigger than this in real life) but I'm happy with what I see - I was really surprised when I dug out this old picture from January.

46 pounds to go!

July 1st-July 8th

I've sort of disappeared from this blog for a couple of weeks.

I actually made it private for a couple days but then switched back because I figured I'd be too paranoid about internet security to write anything private anyway.

The last two weeks have been a couple of the hardest I've had this year. I'm trying really hard to get back on track. I don't really want to go into a lot of detail right now. I'm trying really hard to deal with some pretty major issues in my life. I know this will be easier if I am doing everything else right.

I've been pretty quiet about everything because that's how I deal with my stress; I bitch and moan about everything small in my life, but with major things I tend to shut down.

I'm going to the doctor in a couple weeks and it's a good thing. I passed out on my couch last week - like, fainted fainted - which is really bizarre. It's happened to me before, just randomly passing out, but I haven't done that in years. I'm really nervous there's something actually physically wrong with me. Because even though I ate terribly the past couple weeks and didn't work out, I didn't even gain weight. I shouldn't complain about that, but I know a lot of the time, weight loss is indicative of illness. Based on how poorly I was eating, there's no way I shouldn't have gained weight. I'm really freaked out that I'm diabetic or something. Or something worse. I'm usually not a huge hypochondriac but I've been so sick the past couple of years, no one my age should get sick as often as I do.

 I also haven't slept well all week. I think my upstairs neighbor is trying to kill me. She never ever ever ever ever ever ever stops walking!!! The past two nights, every single half hour I've woken up, I hear her creaky footsteps. Part of me thought it has to be her dog, because I really didn't think she was nocturnal, and no human just walks around their condo for hours at a time, but it sounds like a person, not a dog. I'm talking footsteps at midnight, 2 a.m., 4 a.m., 6 a.m., then all morning. SHE NEVER SLEEPS!!!! When it's not footsteps, it's her tying up her dog outside and the dog just howls. I have a fan that I turn on when I go to bed for white noise, and I started wearing earplugs and I can STILL HEAR IT. Maybe it's a ghost. Maybe I'm hallucinating. I can't imagine this is a new habit for her, so maybe it's just my general insomnia and every time I wake up I listen for it. My lack of sleep is really getting to me. When I do sleep, my dreams are really intense, and I keep waking up from them drenched in sweat and I can't ever shake them.  I feel like I'm mostly in limbo when I'm sleeping. It's been really awful and is making me really cranky. I'm getting annoyed with almost everyone around me, so I've been sort of isolating.

Onto happy things...

Today is my half-year point and I'd hoped to lose more than 28.2 lbs by now but that's what I'm at and I'll take it. If I could get another 29 pounds by the end of the year I'd be thrilled!

I feel pretty confident about a new start in July. I do well with solid dates, big milestones, anniversaries.

I might start a private journal in addition to this one so I be more honest/straightforward/detailed but that feels a little like overkill. I do have a livejournal that I've been updating more frequently (its only viewable to people I don't know in real life) but I might need something more related to health. Don't know that I can manage 3 blogs, though.

Here's my meal/workout plan this week.

SUNDAY
Tempeh and black bean quesadillas
Step aerobics (63 minutes)

MONDAY
Chicken Caesar Salad wraps with cucumber
SparkPeople Cardio Blast (30 minutes)

TUESDAY
Leftovers
Frontside circuit training (43 minutes)

WEDNESDAY
Jimmy John’s vegetarian sub
Rest Day

THURSDAY
Wild rice casserole
Cardio Kickbox (25 minutes)

FRIDAY
Taco Salad (made with lean ground turkey and veggies)
Rest day

SATURDAY
Chicken satay with peanut sauce and broccoli
Backside (53 minutes)

Total minutes: 216