Sunday, July 1, 2012

July 1st-July 8th

I've sort of disappeared from this blog for a couple of weeks.

I actually made it private for a couple days but then switched back because I figured I'd be too paranoid about internet security to write anything private anyway.

The last two weeks have been a couple of the hardest I've had this year. I'm trying really hard to get back on track. I don't really want to go into a lot of detail right now. I'm trying really hard to deal with some pretty major issues in my life. I know this will be easier if I am doing everything else right.

I've been pretty quiet about everything because that's how I deal with my stress; I bitch and moan about everything small in my life, but with major things I tend to shut down.

I'm going to the doctor in a couple weeks and it's a good thing. I passed out on my couch last week - like, fainted fainted - which is really bizarre. It's happened to me before, just randomly passing out, but I haven't done that in years. I'm really nervous there's something actually physically wrong with me. Because even though I ate terribly the past couple weeks and didn't work out, I didn't even gain weight. I shouldn't complain about that, but I know a lot of the time, weight loss is indicative of illness. Based on how poorly I was eating, there's no way I shouldn't have gained weight. I'm really freaked out that I'm diabetic or something. Or something worse. I'm usually not a huge hypochondriac but I've been so sick the past couple of years, no one my age should get sick as often as I do.

 I also haven't slept well all week. I think my upstairs neighbor is trying to kill me. She never ever ever ever ever ever ever stops walking!!! The past two nights, every single half hour I've woken up, I hear her creaky footsteps. Part of me thought it has to be her dog, because I really didn't think she was nocturnal, and no human just walks around their condo for hours at a time, but it sounds like a person, not a dog. I'm talking footsteps at midnight, 2 a.m., 4 a.m., 6 a.m., then all morning. SHE NEVER SLEEPS!!!! When it's not footsteps, it's her tying up her dog outside and the dog just howls. I have a fan that I turn on when I go to bed for white noise, and I started wearing earplugs and I can STILL HEAR IT. Maybe it's a ghost. Maybe I'm hallucinating. I can't imagine this is a new habit for her, so maybe it's just my general insomnia and every time I wake up I listen for it. My lack of sleep is really getting to me. When I do sleep, my dreams are really intense, and I keep waking up from them drenched in sweat and I can't ever shake them.  I feel like I'm mostly in limbo when I'm sleeping. It's been really awful and is making me really cranky. I'm getting annoyed with almost everyone around me, so I've been sort of isolating.

Onto happy things...

Today is my half-year point and I'd hoped to lose more than 28.2 lbs by now but that's what I'm at and I'll take it. If I could get another 29 pounds by the end of the year I'd be thrilled!

I feel pretty confident about a new start in July. I do well with solid dates, big milestones, anniversaries.

I might start a private journal in addition to this one so I be more honest/straightforward/detailed but that feels a little like overkill. I do have a livejournal that I've been updating more frequently (its only viewable to people I don't know in real life) but I might need something more related to health. Don't know that I can manage 3 blogs, though.

Here's my meal/workout plan this week.

Tempeh and black bean quesadillas
Step aerobics (63 minutes)

Chicken Caesar Salad wraps with cucumber
SparkPeople Cardio Blast (30 minutes)

Frontside circuit training (43 minutes)

Jimmy John’s vegetarian sub
Rest Day

Wild rice casserole
Cardio Kickbox (25 minutes)

Taco Salad (made with lean ground turkey and veggies)
Rest day

Chicken satay with peanut sauce and broccoli
Backside (53 minutes)

Total minutes: 216

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